Can I Be Her?
by McDimplesBaby
Summary: Arizona is left brokenhearted by the disappearance of Eliza. Can she dust herself off and try again with another woman in her life? Do Eliza and everything about her linger... Rated M for future chapters. See description in Ch1 for the pairing in this fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, guys. This has been sitting in my writing folder since last Friday and honestly, I wasn't going to post it. I know Ariliza is (probably) done, but I feel like some people need some sort of ending, or not, for them. I've no idea where this fic will go but it won't be updated as quickly as my others, and it won't be as long as my others. Like I said, it's more of an ending for the people who want it.**

 **It also isn't necessarily an Ariliza or a Carizona fic. It's more of an Arizona dealing with her situation fic. Both Eliza and Carina will be in it, but since it relates to the outcome of Ariliza, it will be those characters POV that I use.**

 **I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter One

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ELIZA'S POV

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I've sat in a hotel room for the past week. I don't know why I'm here or why I even checked in, but I did and I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know what to do with my relationship. Arizona deserves answers, but I don't have any. I don't have anything acceptable to say to her. I walked away from her and it really is as simple as that. She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve to be walked out on. That's happened to her before, and I told her I wasn't that kind of person. I told her I was the one who could make her happy. I told her I wanted to wine and dine her...spend our evenings together...travel to work together. We did that, but I still walked away. I don't know how to figure out what I'm doing with my life. I mean, I've just packed up my apartment and left. Does she even know? Does she even care? I don't imagine she would since I've just hurt her. She is probably glad to see me gone. Everyone in that damn hospital is glad to see the back of me. I mean, should I have given up on that place a soon as I got there? Probably. Had I done that, though, I probably wouldn't have ever gotten close to Arizona. Every cloud, huh?

My cell in my hands, I toy with it and think about sending her another message. I sent her one last night asking if we could talk, but she hasn't replied. I tried calling but it sent me straight to voicemail. She's probably thrown herself into her work, so I don't expect to hear back from her immediately. She's probably sleeping. I know how much she loves to climb into bed after a killer shift. I know how she likes to take a quick shower...and head straight for bed. Usually with a hot chocolate in her hand and a little Iight reading. I used to love watching her settle down for the night. I hate that we didn't get to do it more often. Conflicting schedules, as usual.

Deciding that it's now or never, I unlock my cell and hit the message tab. A blank message ready and waiting for my words, I take a deep breath and tap my fingers on my screen. My fingers that used to lace with Arizona's.

 ** _Are you getting my messages? If you are, and you don't want to speak to me...I just want you to know that I'm sorry. Eliza x_**

Releasing the breath I've been holding, I hit send and wait for a response. Honestly, I don't expect to hear from her, but she is a good person so I hope she will at least give me five minutes to grovel and tell her how sorry I am. Why did I walk? I don't know. Humiliation? Embarrassment? The fact that I got fired? I know they all hate me at the hospital and I guess I was worried that Arizona would feel the same way. I guess I expected her to turn her back on me and call us off. They are her friends, after all. They are her extended family. Her go-to people. If she sided with me, it would only cause issues and I really don't want that for her. I don't want her to feel like she has to choose one or the other. I just, I don't even know anymore. I don't know where I go from here and I don't like it. I don't like not having control over my own life. I don't like wondering what my future holds. I thought it held Arizona. I thought it held an awesome relationship and an amazing life together...clearly I was wrong since I messed that up a week ago.

I'd call my mom and ask her opinion but she will be just as disappointed in me as I am in myself. So, no...my mom is a no go. Honestly, I don't have anyone else to turn to. The only person I was kinda close to was Steph. Steph...the girl who I almost got killed. I mean, I stand by the fact that Richard should never have allowed her back so soon after her lame attempt at counseling, but I've had a week to think about it and yeah…I could have informed the powers that be that she was missing. I'm sure others did, but since everyone is blaming me, I may as well blame myself, too.

Slumping back down into the bed I've barely removed myself from for seven days, I try to contain the lump in my throat and close my eyes. If I open them...tears will slip out and honestly, I'm not sure I have any more tears left. I'm clearly a cold-hearted bitch, so tears are irrelevant right now. Everything is irrelevant because I hurt the one person who has meant more to me than anyone else _ever_ has.

* * *

Stepping out of the hotel I've been staying at, the cool Seattle air pierces through my skin and straight into my bones. I hate this feeling of being alone in an unfamiliar place, but I have nowhere else to go right now. I sold my last place since I figured I'd be staying here long term. Now I've handed back the keys to my apartment here…I don't have a choice but to walk the streets and live at a hotel. Why did I give back my keys? I needed to get out. If I didn't, Arizona would have found me and I don't know what I would have said to her. I don't know what she would have said to me. A week later and I'm desperate to see her. A week later and I know I've made the biggest mistake of my life walking away from her. From us. From everything that could have been. I've made a terrible mistake, and I hope to god I can somehow fix this. I hope I can try and make this better in some way.

Heading down a familiar street, I glance at my watch and it's almost 7 pm. I'm about to head into Joe's, but I don't expect to see Arizona there. She rarely drinks out alone, and she may even be working right now. My hope is that I may bump into April. She was always polite and civil to me, and she knows Arizona pretty well. She may decide that she wants nothing to do with me, too, but I'm willing to try if it means I can find out how Arizona is feeling. If I have to beg and plead with someone close to her, I totally will.

That familiar atmosphere hitting me as I step through the doors to the bar, it's pretty quiet right now. A few guys playing darts in the corner of the room, I don't recognize any of them. _That can only be a good thing._ Heading further inside, I shrug my jacket from my shoulders and hang it in its usual spot. I can hear the familiar voice of Alex Karev at a nearby table but I don't imagine he would want to hear anything I have to say. Sighing, I pull my body up onto a stool and grab the attention of the bartender. Ordering myself a shot of tequila and a neat whiskey, I'm going to need all of the liquid courage I can get before I even attempt to hold a conversation with anyone from the hospital.

My heart stopping as I catch sight of familiar blonde hair, I turn away from her in my seat and take a minute to breathe through the feelings I have right now. I didn't expect her to be here tonight. I didn't expect to have to come face to face with her as I walked through the door to this bar. I thought she would be home, probably talking with Sofia, but no…she's here. She's here and I feel like my heart is about to collapse into my stomach. Ending my life forevermore. The bartender placing my drinks in front of me, I glance out of the corner of my eye and breath a sigh of relief when I find that Arizona hasn't noticed me. I should leave, I know that…but she's so close to me right now. So close that I can smell that familiar perfume she always wears. So close that I can almost hear her soft breathing.

Turning in my seat ever so slightly, I study her profile and she seems…okay? I can't quite describe the look on her face, but she doesn't look sad or upset. She is in her own world, but I'm happy that she is okay. I mean, I don't expect her to miss me as much as I miss her, but she doesn't even look a little messed up. It makes me feel a little better to see her like this. If she never wants to speak to me again, at least I know that she is doing okay. At least I know that I haven't hurt her to the point where she is drowning her sorrows at home. _At least it's only me who is hurting._

Knocking back my tequila, I enjoy the rush and the burn it provides as it slips down my throat. I've avoided alcohol whilst being at the hotel. Simply because I'd have drunk myself into oblivion and that wouldn't have done me any favors. Once I start that downward spiral, I'll never stop. Once I get that taste sitting alone in a hotel room…that will be the only thing on my mind. I don't want to sit and cry over the mess I've made of my life. I don't want to sit and worry about where I'm going next. I don't have a plan and I don't have a future. Who will hire me once they know I've been fired? Who will hire me once Miranda Bailey spreads her words of hate about me? No one, that's who.

Smiling as I watch Arizona sip on her usual drink, I suddenly feel the need to head over to her. I know she will probably scream at me and make a fool out of me, but I'm willing to take that risk if it means I get to breathe the same air as her. I'm willing to take that risk just in case there is a slim chance that she may one day forgive me. It's clear now that she is avoiding my calls and my texts, but she is only giving me what I gave her…nothing. She is only avoiding me like I avoided her when she just wanted answers.

Turning fully in my seat, I take my whiskey in my hand and glance down at my outfit. I'm not looking _amazing_ right now, but getting Arizona's attention was never my plan for tonight. Seeing her was never in my plans. My left foot hitting the tiled floor beneath me, my ass barely lifts from the seat when I find a woman heading Arizona's way. Stopping myself from going any further, I watch as her lips attach to my 'what I thought' girlfriend's neck and my body shudders. I don't think I've ever really experienced this feeling. Complete heartbreak. Devastation. Hurt. I know I did the wrong thing in walking away from her, but a week? It has only been a week. My body doesn't feel like it belongs to me right now. Nothing is real. Any sounds I'm hearing are dulled. Like, I'm underwater. My legs are refusing to work. My eyes, fixed firmly on the woman I wanted to tell 'I love you' to. I can't do this. I can't watch this. It is complete torture. Complete torture brought on by myself.

Judging by the smile on Arizona's face, she hasn't just met this woman. This woman has been around for some time. More than once, that's for sure. I don't know how long, but I don't like it. Her arms wrapping around her waist, she whispers something in her ear and it's not English. She's not American. She's… _Italian?_ How could I ever compete with a woman like that? She just oozes sex and fun. She oozes everything I don't. Arizona's eyes closing, she throws her head back and laughs that infectious laugh she has. The laugh I was quickly falling in love with _way_ before I should have.

Catching the attention of the bartender, I place an order and scribble down a note on a napkin. Bringing me my drink, I ask him to wait for a moment whilst I sign my name.

 ** _I'm happy for you. She is beautiful. - Eliza x_**

Handing him the folded napkin, I motion for him to place it down in front of my now ex-girlfriend with the drink and stand. Grabbing my jacket, I shrug it on and take my purse from the counter. Throwing down some bills, I give my ex-girlfriend a glance and head for the door. My palm placed flat on the glass separating me from the street, I take one final look and she has the napkin in her hand. Her head shooting up, the other woman's hands still on her body, she finds my eyes and I drop my gaze. Stepping out onto the street, I hear her call my name but I don't look back. Quickening my pace, my lungs burn and my head hurts. My heart is absolutely breaking right now. I'm not sure I'll ever experience this pain again in my life. Everything about me being in Seattle is totally wrong. I have to leave. I need to leave.

Arizona no longer has room for me in her life, and that's okay. It's okay because I only have myself to blame for this. Nobody asked me to walk away. Nobody asked me to leave the one woman I saw a future with, but I did…and now she's moved on. "ELIZA!" Her voice piercing through the quiet Seattle evening, I shake my head and the tears fall. They fall faster than they ever have.

 _Move on, Minnick. Move on…_

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 **So, do you guys want more of this or?**

 **Reviews are welcome and appreciated. The next chapter is pretty much ready to go so majority rules, once again…**

 **For anyone who is following my other fics, I'm working on 'Hiding My Heart' and 'Don't Forget To Remember Me'. Updates soon, hopefully.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Two

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ARIZONA'S POV

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I can't believe Eliza was at Joe's last night. I can't believe she showed up after I thought she was gone for good. Never to be seen or heard from again. How do I feel about it? I don't know. I really don't. I mean, she upped and left me. She ghosted me…and I still don't quite know what that even means. Thank god for April, huh? Thank god for my friends at the hospital. I know they didn't agree with my relationship with Eliza, but they never really made a comment about it. I had to hear it from the nurse's station…as usual. I swear those nurses know more about my life than I do myself. I guarantee if you stand around a corner from them and they will give you all of the gossip you will ever need. Sad, but true. Very sad. After I watched Eliza leave the bar last night, I couldn't help but feel something for her. What that something was, I don't know. I mean, right now I hate her. I hate how she walked away. I hate how she disappeared from my life. Our relationship. This isn't kindergarten…we don't just up and leave like children. But, she did. She did, and it hurt. Stepping inside her apartment and seeing her things packed up and ready to be shipped off hurt more than I would ever care to admit. Standing in her empty and echoing apartment, I realized that I had to protect myself. From her. From this mess. From our relationship. She literally dropped me and disappeared.

I've been lay awake since around 7 am, and honestly, I'm torn. I don't have time for people walking away from me. If I want a relationship, it has to happen now. I thought I had that with Eliza, but I was obviously wrong. She was the best thing I'd had since Callie. She is hardly a comparison, but still…I haven't been this happy in a long long time. Too long to care to remember. I was falling for her so hard, but she didn't feel the same way. She cant have. If she did, she wouldn't have left me in the dark. I was actually worried about her at one point. You know, had something happened to her? Then she just shows up in Seattle a week later and expects me to talk to her? Sorry, but it isn't happening like that. I've had the relationship where I give my all and get nothing in return, so now…now, it's time to have fun.

Soft breathing beside me pulling me from my thoughts, I glance to my right and find Carina sleeping naked next to me. I probably shouldn't have brought her home with me last night, but I needed something to help me forget. I needed something to reduce the numbness after seeing Eliza. I'd like to call her my ex, but honestly…I don't know what we are. Judging by the woman lay next to me, I'd say we are exes, but I don't want to call us that. I'm not sure I can handle it being officially over. I'm not sure I can deal with the pain of knowing she is finally gone. Sure, I thought she had left Seattle, but she clearly hasn't. I'm sure she didn't just catch a flight here to speak to me. Nobody is that desperate for my time and attention. Nobody.

Turning on my side, my eyes graze the body beside me and I can't help but smile. Carina is beautiful and everything I didn't imagine in my life, but can I do this? Can she be Eliza and everything I thought I had with her? I don't want to sound like I'm comparing them both, but right now…I am. Eliza wanted to cuddle. She wanted to kick back and make dinner together. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure Carina is here for that. I'm not sure she wants to settle down and stay home at night to relax. She seems like too much of a live-wire for that. She seems like she knows what she wants, but is that just fun? Is that just sex? I don't know. I need to get to know her a little better before I decide.

My fingers tracing over her skin, she groans and smiles as my hand reaches the nape of her neck. "Mm…Arizona." That sexy Italian accent sending my body into overdrive, her body comes to rest against my own and I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how she makes me feel. She makes me feel alive, that's for sure…but so did, Eliza. She made me feel more alive than I ever have. "You have no idea how much I thought about you last night…" Her lips attaching to my neck, her tongue works my skin before it grazes my earlobe. "Absolutely beautiful…" Her accent causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end, she breathes against my ear and I'm not sure I can keep this from happening. I'm not sure I can keep Carina from happening. Her hips pressing against my own, I arch up into her touch and she moans against my ear. "Amazing…"

Italian hands weaving between our bodies, I feel a rush of arousal flood between my legs but something doesn't feel right. None of this feels right. At least, not until I've spoken to Eliza. I need to know what is happening with her. I need to know if she is here to stay, or willing to stay for me. I need to either fix this or watch her walk away….but this right now? This shouldn't be happening. Maybe I was too quick to jump into bed with Carina. I don't know. I know that Eliza is still in Seattle, though, and I have to speak to her. "S-Sorry…" I push Carina away. "I just…I'm not feeling too good right now." I clear my throat.

"It's her, isn't it?" She drops her gaze. "She is ruining the, uh…mood for you?"

"No." I shake my head. "I just don't feel too good." I lie.

"Are you sure I can't _try_ to make you feel better?" Her eyebrow raised, I give her a sad smile and she pulls me into a heated kiss. I won't lie, her lips feel pretty damn good against my own, but still…This isn't right. "Mm.." Pulling back, she searches my face but I'm giving her nothing right now. I can't. I have to protect myself from both Eliza _and_ Carina. I know it sounds stupid, but I have to. I don't know where Eliza and I stand, so no…this cannot continue.

"I'm sorry." Giving her a sad smile, she climbs off of me and settles down on her back.

"That has never happened…" She laughs.

"What has never happened?" I furrow my brow.

"Being rejected."

"I-I didn't reject you…" I breathe out. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Yes, I understand." She nods.

"Except, I'm not sure you do." Glancing over at the pair of jeans I wore last night, I head for the back pocket of them and pull Eliza's note from them. "This arrived at the bar last night." I sigh.

Glancing over the note, her eyes squinting as she tries to read the words, I smile. Eliza has terrible handwriting. Typical for a doctor, really. "So? Who is this?"

"My girlfriend." The words falling from my lips way too fast for my liking, I shake my head. "Ex-girlfriend."

"Ex? Are you sure?" Carina asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I nod. "She left me, Carina."

"So, why are you worried about her note?" She asks, a slight smirk on her face. "Why does it bother you?"

"Because I need to talk to her." I sigh. "I need to know what she is thinking…"

"Okay." The Italian beauty nods. "Talk to her, then we can get back to this." Motioning between us, I feel terrible for leading her on. Maybe I'm not leading her on…I just don't know what my life is right now. I thought I was done with sleeping with random women, but Carina was there when I needed someone. She was there when I was hurting. When I was angry. When I just needed something to focus on other than Eliza. "I should go." She shifts her naked body from my bed. Last night was just as hot as the last time, but alcohol and I don't go well together. This morning only confirms that. Now that I'm here…awake and sober, things feel completely different. _I_ feel completely different. "I have stuff to do at the hospital."

"Okay, I'll call you later. I have the next two days off." Smiling, I take her hand in my own but she doesn't lift her gaze. "Carina?"

"Sure. Do what you have to…" Now I feel worse than I did when I woke. Now I'm causing her pain when I really don't want to. "See you, Arizona." Her back turning on me, she pulls a shirt on over her head and pulls her jeans up her thighs. "See you around."

* * *

Settled down on the couch, I scroll through my cell for the millionth time today. I want to call Eliza but I don't know what to say. Then I remember that I haven't done anything wrong and wonder what she could possibly have to say to me. I'm still hurt by what she did. I'm still hurt about the fact that she walked away. Right now, I feel like I'll always be hurt by that and I won't be able to move past it. That's the exact reason why I haven't contacted her. Hitting the message tab on my cell, I have to get this over and done with sooner or later.

 ** _Are you still in Seattle? Arizona._**

 ** _Yeah. Just finishing up packing at the hotel. Eliza._**

 ** _Come by my place before you leave. Arizona._**

 ** _Just throw whatever I have at your place in the trash. I don't need it, and I don't want it. Eliza._**

Sighing, I hit the reply button and wonder if she is really going to make this as hard for me as she is making out. Is she really not going to come by? Is she really going to leave _again_ without saying her piece?

 ** _I don't have any of your stuff, I don't think. Arizona._**

 ** _Then why do you want me to come by? Eliza._**

 ** _Because we need to talk, Eliza. Arizona._**

 ** _I'm sure everything has been said. That was kinda obvious at the bar last night. Take care of yourself, Arizona. I apologize for hurting you, although, I didn't get the impression that I had last night. Eliza._**

 ** _You did hurt me. Unbelievably. Arizona._**

 ** _Then I'm sorry. I won't contact you anymore. Eliza._**

 ** _Please come by? Arizona._**

 ** _I shouldn't. I'm not sure I can deal with the goodbye. Eliza._**

 ** _If you don't show up at my place, I'll never forgive you. Do the right thing, Eliza. Give me your words, your feelings. Anything that doesn't involve you walking away…._**

Setting my cell down on the coffee table, I lie back on the couch. The very same couch I was on last week, and last night, whilst I had mind-blowing sex with my room-mates sister. Mind-blowing, yes, but Eliza was mind-blowing enough for me. Why do I keep comparing her to Carina? Why do I keep comparing the two? They're two completely different people. Two completely different relationships. I mean, I've slept with Carina a handful of times, but Eliza rocks my world. She always will. There is something very sexy about the Italian I've just had in my bed, on more than one occasion but still…she can be as hot and sexy as she wants…it's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a relationship. I'm looking for that heart-stopping love we only see in movies. No matter how hot she is, it's not the same thing. Am I attracted to her? Yes, like never before…does that mean me sleeping with her is okay? No. In my opinion, it's not.

A light knocking on my door, I glance around the wall that separates me from it and I find long dark hair in my view. _Eliza._ I don't even know what to say to her. I don't know how to be around her. We aren't _anything_ anymore, and honestly...it hurts. Moving towards the front door, I straighten myself out a little and open it. "Hi." She breathes out.

"Come in." I sigh. My eyes unable to find hers. "Did you want a drink? Coffee, wat-"

"No, I won't stay long." She states. "I have packing to finish."

"Oh, okay." I shrug. "So, you really aren't sticking around, then?"

"I have no reason to, so why torture myself?"

"Honestly, I thought you'd stick around for me, but it seems not." I sigh as I grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "Why did you even come by?"

"Because you asked me to." She furrows her brow. "You said you'd never forgive me if I didn't…"

"That doesn't mean you _had_ to come by." I toy with the edge of my kitchen counter.

"But I need forgiveness from you." She breathes out. "I need you to forgive me so I can move on. You have someone else in your life, and that's okay. I don't deserve anything from you, Arizona, but I would like your forgiveness."

"So, you want me to forgive you so you can move on…even though you are the one who walked away from me?" My brow furrowed, I give her a look of complete confusion. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." She nods. "I messed us up, so now I have to move on with my life. Whether I like it or not." She couldn't be anymore nonchalant if she tried, and I'm tired of that. "Seattle Pres have offered me a job but I don't have to take it. I can be out of your life completely if you want me to be?"

"Take a job wherever you want, Eliza. It's no business of mine."

"Okay." She shrugs. "Was, um…was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"Why did you leave me?" I ask. "Why did you walk away?"

"My own worries, I guess." I know she is embarrassed about what she did. She can't even look at me, right now. "Look, none of that matters anymore." She holds up her hands and takes a step backward towards the door. "I mean, look at us? Or the lack of…"

"You did this, Eliza."

"I know, and now I'm letting you go." She finally finds my eyes and I see tears. "I'm letting you go and I'm happy for you."

"You're happy for me?" I scoff.

"I am, Arizona." There's something about the way she says my name that I could never hear from anyone else. "I saw how happy she made you last night. How your eyes lit up in her presence. Just be happy, okay?"

"I was happy." I spit. "I was happy with you until you packed your crap up and just left. I know you're hurting after being fired, Eliza, but that isn't my fault. It was _never_ my fault. None of this is my fault."

"I know it's not." She agrees. "I didn't leave Seattle."

"What do you mean you didn't leave?" I furrow my brow.

"I went to a hotel. I just could be at the apartment. I knew you would come looking and I wasn't ready to see you after being fired. I didn't know how you would react to it. I didn't know if you thought the same as everyone else, so I had to be alone for a little while. I had to just get out of the whole thing."

"So, you left me wondering and waiting and you were here the whole time? You were here, and you couldn't even answer one of my calls…"

"I'm sorry." She cries. "I just continue to mess everything up, so what's the point? What's the point in me even trying to make things right with you?"

"You're right." I give her a nod in agreement. "What is the point?" Closing the distance between us, I place my hand on the door handle and pull it open. "I think it's time for you to leave…"

"Yeah." She sighs as she wipes away the tears that have gathered at her jawline. "I, uh…bye, Arizona." My heart twisting in my chest as I watch her walk out of my door, I know that this is it. I know that we are over. Done. She has been here this whole time and I couldn't even get a text back. I couldn't even get a single word from her. That hurts. I'm hurting. I don't even know how I feel about this right now, but I'm in pain. Emotional pain. Everything about this is tearing me apart inside.

Glancing back as she heads down the steps, she stops and fresh tears are falling. "You know, I know I messed up. I know I'm hurting us both over my own actions, but seeing her with her lips all over you? That actually broke my heart. That devastated me beyond belief. I didn't think I was capable of feeling that way, but yeah…you have already moved on Arizona. You have moved on after what? A week?…That fucking hurts." Her back turning, Eliza's feet hit concrete and her shoulders shake as she walks away.

 _Everything about this is too heartbreaking to deal with right now…._

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Things will get worse before it gets better. Thanks for your reviews and your opinions. You are great.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Three

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ARIZONA'S POV

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It's been a while since I've had sleepless nights over a woman in my life, but here I am and I've just had two sleepless nights. I've just found myself back at the beginning and now I'm torn as to what I should do. I want to give Eliza another chance. I want to try and work through this with her, but I'm too hurt by her actions right now. I'm too hurt by the fact that she didn't even try to explain earlier than she did. I know I fell straight into bed with Carina the night Eliza left, but I wanted to feel something other than hurt. I'm sick of feeling this way. It's how it always ends. I'm the one who is always left hurt. I'm the one who always has to pick up the pieces of my life. I'm tired of it, so yeah…I slept with Carina and you know what? I don't even regret it. I don't regret any of it because Eliza disappeared from my life and as far as I was concerned…we were done. We _are_ done.

I don't know where I go from here, but I'm not sitting around and depressing myself with the way I feel. I'm hot and I've got so much to give. Grabbing my cell, I hit the message tab and send off a quick message.

 ** _Hey, can you come over?_**

 ** _Sure. Now?_**

 ** _Yeah. When you can._**

 ** _I'll be there soon._**

Setting my cell down on the kitchen counter, I put a fresh pot of coffee on and think about the possibility of never seeing Eliza again. She's been offered a job at Seattle Pres and I think I'd be okay with that if she took it. She's an excellent surgeon and I'd be happy for her to be back in work. I don't agree with what Bailey did and I thought Eliza knew that. I thought she would have known that I had her back. Instead, she assumed that I'd follow suit of everyone else and I'm not impressed with that. She knew I was all in where she was concerned, but she still didn't give me the chance to be with her. She still left. She still broke my heart. She still let the hospital get between us.

A light knocking at the door, I round the kitchen counter and head for it. Opening it, I'm a little shocked to find Eliza on the other side. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just returning something that belongs to you." Handing over a bracelet of mine, I glance down between us and our hands meet. That spark is still there. That spark that I felt the moment we kissed. The moment we connected. The moment I allowed her into my life. "I was going to keep a hold of it, but well, it's not mine…so I'm returning it."

"Thanks." I give her a sad smile and she doesn't head down the porch. "Um, how are you?"

"Okay, I guess." Her gaze dropping, she shifts uncomfortably on the spot. "Did you have a good night?"

"If you call drinking wine alone in your pajamas a good night, yeah…I guess it was." I shrug.

"Do, um…did, I-I." Her words cut off by the sound of a car pulling up outside my place, I internally chastise myself for being so stupid. "Never mind…" She sighs. "I should go."

"Eliza, wait," I call out to her but she is already backing away and turning to head down the porch steps. She stops at the end of my drive and watches as Carina climbs from her car before her shoulders slump and she heads off down the street.

"Is everything okay?" Carina pulls me from her thoughts with that sexy Italian accent and I give her a small smile. "Is it?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Stepping aside, she enters my home and I toy with the bracelet in my hand as I close the door behind me and follow her into the living room. "How did your research go today?"

"Good." She gives me a smirk. "Are you sure I cannot tempt you to try it out?"

"Me?" I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, no." I laugh. _There is no way I'm climbing into that scanner while people watch my brain react to an orgasm._

"Mm…" Closing the distance between us, her hand comes to rest on my hip and she gives me that knowing look I've seen more than once since we met a little over a week ago. "I think I can change your mind…" Her lips ghosting over my neck, her breath washes over my ear and it sends a shiver down my spine. "Forse potrei aderire a te …"

"I don't know what you said, but you have to stop that." I breathe out.

"I said, maybe I could join you in there…" Her tongue running up the shell of my ear, I close my eyes and try to stop the impending arousal I'm about to experience. "Non è difficile quando sei una donna così bella."

 _Okay, she has to stop. She really has to stop._ "What?" I whisper.

"Never mind." Her hand lacing with my own, she guides my body backward and towards the couch. "Maybe I should just make you feel good here?"

"I can't." My breath catching in my throat as she throws me down onto my back, my eyes find hers and I find nothing but complete pleasure in them. "Carina…"

"Did I tell you how much I love hearing you say my name?" Her knee slipping between my thighs, my back arches off of the couch and a low moan rumbles in my throat. "It's so very very sexy."

"We can't do this…" I breathe out. "We should stop."

"Mm, tell me to stop and I will." My tee being lifted up and over my head, my eyes close and I take a moment to really think about this. I take a moment to decide what is the best thing to do right now. Eliza and I are no longer together, so I'm not doing anything wrong, but that doesn't make any of this right. It doesn't mean I should do this simply because I can.

"Stop." I place my hands on her shoulders and her movements stop. "I'm sorry, I just…I'm in a bad place right now."

"Then let me take you out of that bad place, Arizona." As much as I want her to be that person I turn to, I just can't do this right now. I can't be in the middle of this. I need time and I need to think. I need to think hard. "What do you say?"

"I say, no." My gaze dropping, she climbs off of me and I grab my tee from the floor beside me. Sitting up, I cover my body with it and she settles back against the couch. "I'm sorry, Carina."

"Don't be…" She gives me a sad, yet sexy smile. "You need time to think, I get it."

"Thanks." I sigh. "It's just hard right now. Now that Eliza is back…it just changes everything."

"Mm." She nods. "I wish it didn't change anything."

"Maybe it won't." I shrug. "Maybe her being here will make no difference, but I have to think this through before we go any further."

"Si." She smiles. "I should go." Fixing herself up as she stands, she grabs her purse and rounds the couch. "I'll see you around the hospital?"

"You will." I slip my tee over my head and follow her to the door. "Just, we can be friends, yeah?" Stepping out onto the porch, she turns back to face me and gives me a slight nod.

"Si, but why did you ask me to come here today?"

"I just wanted to talk to you…" I smile. It's the truth. I didn't ask her over to sleep with her. I just wanted to get a feel for the person she is when she isn't having women screaming in the MRI scanner. I just wanted to talk and get to know her a little better. I know she is pretty driven by sex, but I wanted to delve a little deeper. I wanted to find out what makes her tick. What she likes. "Talking is good."

"Mm, then I read the, uh, signs?" Giving her a nod, she smiles. "I read the signs wrong. I'm sorry."

"I'll see you around." Pulling her into a hug, she tightens her grip before releasing me and heading back down to her car. Does she just want a good time? I get the impression that it's exactly what she wants, but there is something about her that just draws me in. There is something about her that tells me to keep her around. I don't like how this is all panning out, but right now…I'm doing the right thing. Right now I'm taking myself out of whatever situation I seem to be in, and I'm going it alone. It seems so much easier that way.

* * *

Heading down the street towards Joe's, I pull my jacket tighter around me. It's a little colder tonight than it has been lately, but the cool air feels good. It makes me shiver and that alone tells me that I still have feelings in this tired and ruined body of mine. It tells me that I'm not dead inside. I feel it. I feel dead inside. Everything about the past week has only confirmed that my life is a mess. It's in ruins. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know whether to contact either of them. I probably shouldn't. I mean, Carina is beautiful and mysterious…but Eliza is everything I imagined my future to be. She is the one I saw the rest of my life with.

Stepping inside, I find April waiting for me close to the bar and she throws me a small wave. I called her earlier crying and she suggested we drown our sorrows together. She isn't having the best time with Jackson right now, so we can bitch and whine together. Why not…everyone else does it when it pleases them. Weaving through the growing crowd, I'm suddenly reminded that it's Friday night. Friday night and I'm joining my friend to cry about my ex and a woman I barely even know. I mean, it's true…I know nothing about Carina at all. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. "Hey…" Handing me a large glass of white, she motions towards an empty table and I follow behind her.

"You doing okay?" She asks, a sad concerned smile on her face.

"Yeah, sorry about before." I wave off her worry. "This is all my own fault."

"Eliza ghosting you is your fault?" She raises her eyebrow. "How exactly have you come to that conclusion?"

"No, just everything that has followed on from her walking away." I sigh before gulping half of my wine down. "Everything's a mess, April."

"Okay, you've completely lost me, Arizona." She furrows her brow. "How is it a mess? She walked away and you have nothing to feel bad about."

"I slept with someone else…"

"Oh." She drops her gaze. "Um, okay?"

"DeLuca's sister, to be more specific." I roll my eyes. "I just can't help myself."

"Wait, the new OBGYN who is doing _that_ research?" She raises her eyebrow. "Oh, tell me you didn't."

"Didn't what?" I give her a look of confusion and set my glass down on the table.

"You had sex with her in the MRI, didn't you?"

"What? No!" I laugh. "Andrew did catch us on my couch, though." Giving her an awkward smile, April's eyes widen and she laughs. "Now, do you see why this is a mess?"

"Not really." She shrugs. "Eliza is gone...you are free to do as you please."

"Except she's not. She never even left Seattle. She just…she left her apartment and checked into a hotel."

"Oh no." April gives me a look of horror. "She didn't break it off with you, then?"

"Well, I still think that she did, but she says differently. You don't do what she did to someone you care about April. She just disappeared and I cannot get past that right now. Help me out here…"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Arizona. Only you know what you want, or who you want. Carina Deluca may be great, and she seems really nice…but is that enough for you?" She asks. "Is that enough for you after everything you've been through over the past few years? Callie, the divorce, the unhappiness, the court case? Can you be sure that Carina is going to be the one who you settle down with because you have to decide who you want in your life, Arizona? You cannot have a little of both, and you cannot keep doing this to yourself."

"Carina is great…" I smile as I think back to the hot nights we've spent together in just a week. "But I'm very unsure of her. Her intentions. Her future plans."

"So, you are already doubting what you two could be?" She gives me a raised eyebrow. "You already worry about your future with her?"

"I guess so, yeah." Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair. "Everything is just messed up, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make any of this right."

"It isn't your job to make it right, Arizona. You are the one who is hurting. You are the one who was walked out on. Why do you feel like you should fix anything? Let her come to you. Let her be the one to grovel and make things right."

"And Carina?" I ask.

"I think you already know how you really feel about her, but you have to figure that one out by yourself. I mean, sure…play around with her and have some fun, but is she really worth it if Eliza shows up? Is she really worth it just to hurt your girlfriend back?"

"Ex-girlfriend," I state.

"Okay, well however you see her…is playing around with Carina worth it?"

"I don't know…" I knock back the remainder of my drink and stand. "The fact that she caught me in here with her a couple of nights ago doesn't help any of this. More?"

"I'm good for now, but you knock yourself out." April smiles. Heading towards the bar, it brings back the memory of a couple of nights ago. The memory of Carina's lips on my skin. Her Italian words setting my body on fire. But then I'm reminded of Eliza's face as she walked through that door, heartbroken.

April may be right. Maybe I shouldn't be the one to fix things. Maybe I shouldn't be the one who worries about everyone else in this. If Carina wants to chase me, she is more than welcome. If she wants to give this a go, she is going to have to show me that there is more to her than sex. Eliza? I don't even know where to begin with her. I don't know how I feel about her. She's constantly in my head when I try my best to keep her out of it. Everything about her is still there. Everywhere I look. Every song I hear. Every smell reminding me of something about her.

That scent. _God, that scent._ A small smile creeping onto my face, I close my eyes and I swear I can smell her right now. Like she is right beside me and holding my hand. Like she is never going to leave me again. Except she's not here. She's probably gone already. She was packing when she stopped by earlier to give me back my bracelet, so yeah…she isn't beside me. She isn't holding my hand. She isn't waiting at home for me. She told me she was letting me go, and she has. I don't know how I feel about that, but the fact I have tears in my eyes tells me that I feel more than I should. Why am I the one left crying? Why am I the one who has to hurt?

Taking the bracelet from my back pocket, I run my fingers over it and it looks…different. Like it's been cleaned up. Checking it out a little more closely, I turn it over and my heart breaks more than it ever has. More than it ever will again. An inscription has been added to the back of the plate, and I cannot bring myself to hold it closer. I can see the words, but I'm too scared to truly confirm what they say. My thumb running over the engraving, my eyes close and tears fall freely.

 ** _I love you_**

She's had it altered. She's had it changed up so I'll always remember our relationship somehow. I know she wanted to say something to me earlier, but the arrival of Carina stopped whatever was going to come out of her mouth. Am I sorry I asked her to come by? No, because it finally ended whatever was starting with us. I may be single and alone, but I know that it's the right thing to do. I know that it's the right way to be right now. I should concentrate on myself and figure out what I want in my life.

But then it hits me again. That scent. Her scent. Eliza. Shaking myself from my daydream, I glance around the bar and study the crowd. To my right, tucked away in the corner…there she is. Eliza. The one woman I cannot get off of my mind no matter how hard I try to. The one woman who has the power to break my heart and heal it all at the same time. Eliza…the one woman I've just told myself I would not go back to.

 _Eliza Minnick…My ex-girlfriend._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Your support so far has been amazing. Who knows where this will go. Reviews are welcome as always…**


	4. Chapter 4

**You crazy bunch still here with me?**

 **I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

I've been sitting in Joe's bar for near on four hours now. Seeing that woman arrive at Arizona's place when I was about to ask her if we could get a coffee hit me way harder than I expected. It hit me so hard that I canceled my appointment for a new apartment and decided to drown my sorrows instead. I meant what I said to Arizona when I told her that she had broken my heart in the bar, but I don't suspect she cares. She's living a new love life with some new hot Italian, and there is nothing I can do about it. Honestly, I'd usually fight for her, but what am I fighting for? Why would I fight for her when she has someone like that in her life? Someone who makes her smile beam like never before. Someone who makes her weak at the knees. Don't get me wrong, we had a hot sex life, but the Italian probably does it so much better. I can just see it in the way she carries herself. I can see it in her eyes, hear it in her accent. Everything about the new woman in Arizona's life tells me that I could never compete with her. I could never ask Arizona to come back to me when she has that on offer.

So, instead of fighting for her, I decided to drink. Honestly, I'm not even sure what I've drunk, but it's made me feel better. Well, better may be a strong word for how I'm feeling, but let's just go with it. Let's just go with the fact that my miserable life has been slightly improved by the introduction of alcohol. I'd like to believe that it will fix my problems, but it won't. It never does. I've tried it before, and honestly…it just makes me feel ten times worse the next day. I have no plans tomorrow, though, so I don't suppose it really matters how I look or feel. It's not as though I have anyone to impress or take care of. I don't even have to take care of myself anymore. I don't have anyone to look at me and see me as hot. I just…I can do as I please right now.

Maybe I should find myself someone to take home with me. It's worked well for my ex-girlfriend and I don't imagine she would have a problem with it. I mean, she didn't think about me when she climbed into bed with another woman, so why should I bother to take her feelings into consideration? Why should I sit here lonely when I could be getting some from someone else? _That's a lie… I'd never do that to her._ I'd never do it because I don't want anyone other than her. I'd never do it because it's not who I am. I don't need to find attention elsewhere when it's disappeared from my life. I don't need to try to find a connection with someone else because I'm lonely. I'm quite happy to live my life alone. I don't _need_ to be loved. I don't _need_ someone in my life. Arizona, though…she clearly does.

Am I mad at her? Yes. I'm mad because she was just so brazen about the whole new relationship thing. I know she didn't expect me to come by her place earlier, but really? I've just reappeared and she is still banging some hot random woman. She hasn't even stopped to wonder if there could still be anything there between us. She hasn't stopped and thought about maybe giving me a chance to prove myself to her. She just hasn't done anything to suggest that she even wants me around. It hurts, but that's how it's going to be. Moral of the story? Don't walk out on your girlfriend when you need a little time to sort through your thoughts.

I left my apartment behind because I needed to start a fresh. Not necessarily in another city, but I just had to leave those four walls behind and take myself away from the fact I'd just been fired. I've _never_ been fired before. I've _never_ even come close to a firing. I know the place was against me before I'd even arrived, but still…I thought it would get better. I thought they'd warm up to me and eventually I'd just be seen as one of them. No such luck, huh?

I know I should have at least called her and told her I needed a little time to myself, but I couldn't believe what had just happened. I couldn't believe that I was being fired for simply doing my job. _I didn't actually do anything wrong._ I know they're all a family. I know they all have each other's backs. Me, though…I was hung out to dry and it was horrible. It was one of the worst days of my life. I've always prided myself on my ability to perform my job well, but that hospital was never going to see the real issues. They were never going to see why I was hired. It was always going to happen. I understand that, now. I understand that I was always going to take whatever blame they could lie on me.

Sipping on my drink, I don't know how many I've had, but I'm pretty sure I'm almost ready to pass out. Maybe it will take a few days off of my life. Maybe I'll wake up in a week in a hotel room and discover that this was all just a dream. _Not likely._ I know this is anything but a dream. _A fucking nightmare, maybe!_ I won't lie, I have been looking out for Arizona since I've been here, but she must have decided to keep her new woman at home tonight. Maybe she's decided against flaunting what she has to save my heart from any more pain. Too late for that, it's cold and dead inside. Everything about me is numb. Completely. I haven't even cried since I left her place. I have no tears left.

I know I'm in a depressing mood right now, but I have to get this out of my system. I have to have this blowout, and then I can pick myself up and move on. I can pick myself up and concentrate on pulling my life back together. My heart is done for, but the rest of me is still functioning…just about. Knocking back my whiskey, I struggle to swallow it but I force it down. _That is so coming back up tonight._ Shaking my head as the burn ignites my throat, I blow out a deep breath and stand. Stumbling a little, I grab my purse and hold it under my arm. Gripping the table as I try to find my balance, I straighten myself out a little and head towards the exit. It's definitely time to get back to my hotel room. Any more and I'll be spending the night at the hospital.

Wow, I'm drunk. _So drunk._ I'd usually care, but I don't care for much at all right now. I just want to get home and slowly die in my comfortable hotel room. It's been my sanctuary since I left my home so it's all I have right now. A body stopping dead in front of me, I bump into them and almost lose my balance. "Sorry," I mumble.

Attempting to step around the unknown being who is making the room spin, I'm stopped when an arm wraps around my waist and I'm helped outside. "Look at the mess you are in." A familiar voice pulls my gaze up from the ground and my mouth hangs open. "I'm taking you back to your hotel."

"Let go of me," I demand.

"Nope. Not happening." Arizona states. "If you could walk upright, that would be a huge help."

"I don't need your help, Arizona." I slur. "I also don't _want_ it."

"That's tough." She laughs. "There is no way you are going to make it home alone."

"I don't have a home." I spit as I try to remove her arm from my body. "And you should be getting back to your girlfriend. I'm sure you have much more exciting things to be doing with your evening."

"Just shut up and work with me here…" About to argue back with her, I'm stopped when I find her bracelet sitting on her gorgeous wrist. "I just want to make sure you get back to your hotel in one piece." She sighs.

"I'm okay." My voice breaking, I try to pull myself together but Arizona stops us both in the street. "Arizona, don't."

"Don't what?" She asks as my eyes finally find hers. "Don't help you? Don't try to be civil with you?"

"Yeah, don't do that." I shake my head. "Just…thank you for offering to help me home, but it really isn't necessary."

"I'm not leaving you to walk the streets alone. I'm sorry, Eliza, but I'm not." Our pace picking up again, her arm tightens around my waist and I lean into her body. It feels amazing, but I cannot allow this to happen. I cannot allow myself to expect things to change because I know they won't. I'm just torturing myself now. Putting a little distance between us, I find a little balance and head up the street, Arizona still by my side. "Why did you do this to yourself?"

"Why not." I shrug. "Have nothing better to do right now…"

"That's no excuse." She scoffs. "I don't like seeing you like this."

"Well, lucky for you...you don't have to," I state. "I think I'm okay from here. Go home to your girlfriend, Arizona."

"She's not my girlfriend…" She breathes out.

"You really don't need to pretend to me. I'll be okay. I just have to settle back down and work." I smile. "I just have one question…"

"What?" She sighs.

"Does she treat you well?"

"Of course, she does." Arizona nods.

"Then I'm happy for you." Turning my back on her, I glance up and find that I'm almost outside my hotel. Glancing over my shoulder, I give her a thankful smile and she doesn't take her eyes off of me. I know she is concerned, but she really doesn't need to be. Clearing my throat, I stop at the entrance to my hotel and turn back. "I'm sorry I ruined your bracelet."

* * *

I've been back in my hotel room for around thirty minutes and my mind is in overdrive. I didn't want to see Arizona tonight. Once again, she has caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do with the fact that she was standing right in front of me. Her arm around my waist made me feel safe and loved, but I know that it isn't how she saw it. I know that she was just being helpful…and that is exactly why I can't be around her. I've just somehow managed to email the guy who was supposed to be showing me around my new apartment today and Monday is when it's now happening. I have a few days to get myself together. I _have_ to get myself together.

Arizona may be happy with her life, and that is okay…but I'm not okay with mine. I'm not okay with the fact that I've just spent the entire evening drinking alone at her local bar. I'm not happy with the fact that she has just seen me that way. I made a fool of myself and I've probably just crushed any chance I had of getting her back in the future. Not that I expect that, but still…if there was a small possibility, it's gone. It's totally gone. Grabbing my cell from the nightstand, I hit the message tab and send Arizona a quick message.

 ** _Thank you for helping me home. I'm sorry you had to see me that way. Take care, Arizona. Eliza x_**

Throwing my cell onto the bed, I head into the bathroom and turn the taps to fill the tub up. I'm hoping it will sober me up a little if I combine it with many strong coffees. I'm not sure it will happen since I've drunk my body weight in whiskey tonight, but I'm trying. I'm trying to change my mood before I hit the mini bar. My cell buzzing, my stomach flips at the possibility of it being a reply from Arizona. Glancing at the screen, it's her. It's Arizona.

 ** _I'm still here…_**

 ** _Still where? Eliza x_**

 ** _At the hotel._**

 ** _Why? Eliza x_**

 ** _I'm worried about you. Can I see you?_**

 ** _I don't think that's a good idea. Eliza x_**

 ** _Please?_**

 ** _109…_**

Turning off the taps, I stand in front of the mirror and I'm disgusted with what I see. I look dreadful. I look…empty. Void. Emotionless. The alcohol certainly hasn't done me any favors, either. Pulling my hair up out of my face, I step back into the bedroom and try to tidy the place up a little. I'm generally a very tidy person, but I've let myself go a little since I got fired.

A knocking pulling me from my thoughts, I blow out a deep breath and head for the door. My hand on the handle, I give myself a moment to compose myself before I see my ex again. I give myself a moment to prepare myself for whatever it is she has to say. The door opening, I find a tired-looking Arizona standing in front of me. "Come in."

"Thanks." She gives me a small smile and shoves her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "I didn't want to go home and I wasn't sure if you were okay so I just sat outside the hotel."

"Arizona, it's cold out there. You should have just gone home." I state. "I'm okay, I promise."

"You're not, Eliza." She sighs. "And neither am I."

"I'm sorry?" I furrow my brow. "You looked pretty okay to me…"

"Don't do that." She scoffs. "Don't turn this around on me. I'm not the bad guy here."

"No, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm the bad guy." I agree. "And I was okay with that. Once I'd realized what a terrible mistake I'd made, I had to see you. I had to explain and start the process of starting over with you, but you…" Cutting myself off, I shake my head.

"I what?" She asks as she moves closer to the window and leans against the frame.

"You found somebody else." My voice breaking, I clear my throat and try to contain my emotions. "You found _her._ " Even I can feel and hear the disdain in my voice so I imagine Arizona can too.

"Don't make Carina out to be some horrible person, Eliza. It isn't like that." _So her name is Carina._ Ugh! I cannot bear this. I cannot bear to hear her name coming from that gorgeous mouth in front of me. "She didn't lure me in. No, I willingly took her back to my place, okay?"

"I don't want to hear any more." I hold up my hands and Arizona scoffs. "Please…"

"No. I came here thinking maybe we could talk, but you just don't want to hear anything I have to say unless it benefits you. Am I right?"

"No, you are totally wrong." I shake my head and drop my gaze. I cannot look at her. I can see the hatred in her eyes. I can see the disgust when she looks at me. I can see fucking Carina with her hands all over her. All over that body that was once mine. Once belonged to me. This is too hurtful. This is just too much.

"You know why I took her home with me?" She asks. "You know why she threw me down on my couch? Because I needed to feel something. I needed to get _you_ out of my head long enough to stop hating you for what you did to me. You walked away, Eliza. Imagine how I felt when I got to your place and there was nothing there. _You_ weren't there. Imagine how I felt for just one second and then tell me that you really cared. Then tell me that you wanted to be with me, because honestly…I don't believe you do. If you did, you wouldn't have done that to me. You would have called me and told me you needed a few days to yourself. You would have texted me and said you needed space. But you didn't… You didn't once think about me in your decision to leave…so yeah, I took Carina home and I don't even regret it."

"No, you _clearly_ don't regret it." I smile. "Yeah, I walked away and I hurt you but really? Come on, Arizona…you may have been mad, but mad enough to sleep with someone else? Now, _you_ imagine how _I_ felt seeing the both of you at Joe's. _You_ imagine how my heart tore from my fucking chest and then tell me that _you_ cared. It works both ways, Arizona."

"I don't even know what to say to you." She sighs. "I get that you are mad, and I get that you don't like what I did, but I cannot change it. It happened. We aren't even together. She _is not_ my girlfriend, Eliza."

"You know, I'm beginning to realize how Callie felt." Her eyes widening, I regret the words as soon as I hear them float through the air. "I'm sorry…"

"No, you're not." She laughs. Stepping closer to me, she looks me up and down and shakes her head. "You know _nothing_ about how Callie felt. You know _nothing_ about my life. I didn't cheat on you, Eliza. You fucking left me, and now…" She grips the door handle. "...now I'm leaving you!" Without another thought, she steps out into the hall and heads off towards the elevator.

Slumping down onto the edge of the bed, I place my head in my hands and the tears fall hard and fast. I don't know what my life is becoming, or what kind of person I'm turning into, but I shouldn't have said what I just did. I don't even know why it came from my mouth. Deciding that I no longer have the energy to even climb into the tub, I strip my jeans and my blouse from my body and climb into the lonely kingsize bed I've been living in lately. Hitting the play button on my docking station, I bury my face into my pillow and try to stem the flow of tears.

 ** _Picking up the pieces_**

 ** _Of the wreck, you went and left_**

 ** _And I'm dealing with dilemmas_**

 ** _In my now so stressful life_**

 ** _And I'm drinking stronger spirits_**

 ** _I made my home here on the floor_**

 ** _And I'm losing all ambition and goals_**

 ** _I'm going all out_**

 ** _I'm thinking you're just as bad_**

 ** _No sleeping at night_**

 ** _But I'm going from bar to bar_**

 ** _Why can't we just rewind_**

 ** _Why can't we just rewind_**

 ** _Why can't we just rewind_**

I can't stay in Seattle. It's too painful. Seeing her and being around her is going to be too painful. I feel like I need to apologize again, but there is no way she is going to listen to anything I have to say. There is no way she will ever give me the time of day again.

 ** _You might blame it on me_**

 ** _But you insisted that we fall_**

 ** _Wiped your hands of me_**

 ** _And said you needed more, more, more_**

 ** _I'm not sleeping at night_**

 ** _But I'm going from bar to bar_**

 ** _Why can't we just rewind_**

 ** _Why can't we just rewind_**

 ** _Why can't we just rewind oh_**

The song playing fading out throughout my hotel room, I close my eyes and hope that tomorrow…when I'm sober, I can call Arizona and try to talk this through with her. She said _Carina_ isn't her girlfriend, so does that mean there could possibly be a chance for us? Does it mean she didn't go exclusive with her because she still has feelings for me? I don't know, but I have to try to fix this. If she called me right now and told me that I had to spend the rest of my life making this up to her…I totally would. I would spend every waking minute trying to make this better. Trying to make us better. I don't hold out any hope of that happening, but still…something is telling me that Arizona is a better person than anyone I know, and if anyone can give someone a second chance, Arizona is that person.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Not sure if everyone is still around, but I hope you are. Reviews are welcome.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, I didn't expect THAT response for the last chapter. Wow, Wow, Wow.**

 **Hey, Guest (Berlin). Good to have you here.**

 **I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Five

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ARIZONA'S POV

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"Time of death." I sigh. "18:46." Stripping my gloves from my hands, I throw them in the trash and head for the scrub room. I don't need this today. I don't need the death of a patient as well as my mood. My mood is low enough. Pulling my scrub cap from my head, my braids sit perfectly in place on my head. I've never felt as disheartened as I do today. I've never felt so low that I don't know what to do with myself. I've just lost my first patient in a long time, and right now…I need a hug. I need a hug and a strong drink. Scrubbing out, I dry my hands off and I head out into the corridor. People are milling about and talking amongst themselves, but I can't be around them right now. I can't be around anyone because I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit something or someone very soon.

My shoulders slumping, I head off down towards my office and hope that nobody catches me on the way through. I'm in no mood for conversation right now, and if I'm being totally honest…I'm not sure when I will be. Eliza has been getting to me all day, and I don't know why. I don't know why I give her the headspace. Last night she likened this situation to my marriage to Callie. She likened me and Carina to the fact that I cheated on my ex-wife. It's not the same thing. It isn't nearly the same thing. Was I supposed to sit around and wait for her to turn up in my life? Was I, really? I was under the impression that she was gone and she would never return again. I was under the impression that she no longer wanted me and had packed her life up and moved on. _She had packed her life up._ I walked into her apartment to her life in boxes, and she has the audacity to tell me she knows how Callie felt? No. No way.

I'd thought about calling her this morning after I'd tossed and turned all night, but right now…I cannot bear to hear her voice. I cannot bring myself to hold a conversation with her. I want to, and I want to give her the opportunity to truly apologize, but she doesn't deserve any attention from me right now. Honestly, I hope she is hurting. I hope her own words have hurt her just as much as they've hurt me.

Taking a right, my office comes into sight and I've never been so thankful to lock myself away in all of my life. Searching my pockets for my key, I mutter under my breath and pull it out. Slipping it into the lock, I head inside and close the door behind me. Slumping down onto the couch, I don't even bother to turn on the light. The darkness calms me…it always has. When it's dark, I don't have to see what is around me. Nobody knows I'm here. I'm invisible. My eyes closing, I rest my head back and try to center myself. Ground myself. I'm so in and out of my body right now that I don't know if I'm coming or going. I don't know what is real anymore.

A light knocking on the door, I pinch the bridge of my nose and hope that my unknown guest will leave. I'm not being ignorant, and I'm not pouting…I just need a little time to myself. I just need the quiet and the nothingness. Another knock and I release a deep breath. _Just go away, please…_ The handle turning, I don't even bother to look up. I don't bother to even meet their eyes.

"Arizona?" That voice. That Italian voice. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." I breathe out. Sat in the center of my couch, I don't bother to move. My hands placed flat on my thighs, I feel a slight dip beside me before a hand is placed over my own.

"I heard about your patient." She tightens her grip on my hand and my eyes flicker open. "I'm sorry…"

"Thanks." I smile ever so slightly.

"What can I do?" She asks. "Anything?"

"No." I sigh. "I'm okay here for a little while."

"Come out with me." She suggests. "Dinner…" It's a sweet offer, but I really don't feel much like eating out right now. I just want to go home and sleep. That's another thing I'm missing right now. I didn't sleep _again_ last night. "Please?"

"I can't." I give her a sad smile. "I just want to head home."

"Then I'll cook for you?" She throws the suggestion my way and it actually sounds like a nice idea. "What do you say?"

"That would be nice." Running my palms down my thighs, I sit forward and give her a slight smile.

"Si, it sounds fantastic." The smile on her face warming me a little, she pulls me into a hug and the tears fall. They fall harder than they have all week. "Come, I don't like to see you this way."

"I'm sorry…" I sigh as I pull back. "I just…this day is getting worse."

Standing, she pulls me up to my feet and gives me one of her gorgeous smiles. My eyes searching her face, I know she is genuine in her concern. "Let me take care of you, Arizona." Her lips finding mine, all breathe leaves my body and I don't hold back. I'm tired of holding back. Her tongue invading my mouth, I release a low moan and she smiles against my lips. "Are you going to ask me to stop again?" She asks...her lips mere millimeters from my own.

"N-No." I stutter out. "Just…not here."

"Then lead the way." Her words rolling off of her tongue, my body shudders and I quickly change out of my scrubs. "Or not if you are going to undress here…"

"Control yourself, Carina." Rolling my eyes playfully, I button up my shirt and grab what I need. This wasn't in my plans, but honestly, this woman was _never_ in my plans. Locking up my office, we rush off to the elevator and before we know it, we are out in the parking lot, the heavy rain bouncing off of us.

* * *

After spending the past hour or so with Carina, I've decided that this night may end better than I thought. We are on our way to my place after stopping by the store, and right now I'm starved. I don't know what she is planning to cook, but the ingredients she picked up looked all kinds of amazing. I guess that is one of the perks of hooking up with an Italian beauty. The food. _Also, my favorite._ Glancing to my right, I can't help the small smile that spreads on my face. She is beautiful. She is intelligent. She is very mysterious. I'm desperate to know her a little better, but I'm not sure now is the time. I'm not sure the mood I'm trying to get to will allow for a deep conversation right now.

"What?" She glances at me and gives me a smirk.

"Just trying to figure you out." I shrug.

"Instead, you could just ask me." She turns in her seat as much as her belt will allow and rakes her eyes up and down my body. "What do you want to know, Arizona?"

"I don't know." I blush. "Just...what are your plans?"

"I don't have any right now." I can see that honesty in her eyes and I appreciate that. "I'm here for research…"

"So, you plan to move on?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I go where I'm needed, or where I think my research could turn, uh…heads?" She gives me a questioning look and I nod. "So, now… I'm here. Next week, I do not know."

"Okay." I smile as I tighten my grip on the wheel. I'm a little disappointed, but did I really see this woman as girlfriend material? Honestly? I'm not so sure. I already aired my worries to April so I know that the doubt is there in the back of my mind. Dinner doesn't hurt, though, right? Taking a right, we turn onto my street and my place comes into view. It's in darkness so Andrew isn't home from the hospital yet. Pulling up the drive, I cut the engine and step out of the car. The passenger door closing, I head to the trunk and Carina is already waiting for me. Grabbing the bags, I attempt to stand upright but her body is leaning over me and her lips are attached to my neck. My body responding to her touch, her arms wrap around my waist and she pulls me back from the trunk. Locking my car, my lights flash and we both laugh as I almost lose my footing.

Approaching the porch, I'm frozen in my spot when I find Eliza staring back at me. A beautiful arrangement of flowers in her hand. Untangling myself from the woman wrapped around me, I drop one of the bags to the floor and something smashes. "Shit." Shaking my head, I attempt to bend down to pick it up, but Carina places her hand on the small of my back and shakes her head.

"Let me?" Giving her a thankful smile, I step away from her and take a few steps up the porch.

"Eliza, what are you doing here?" My tone low, she drops her gaze and hands over the flowers.

"I just…these are for you." She shrugs. "A small and very crappy attempt at an apology."

"You didn't have to do this." I sigh. "But thank you."

"Figured it was a start, but well…I'm way too late in this game." Giving me a small smile, her eyes are a little glossy and it breaks my heart. "I, uh…I'd like to say goodbye before I leave if that would be okay?"

"Y-You're leaving?" I don't know why I'm so surprised, but I figured since she'd stayed a little longer, she had decided to take the job at Seattle Pres.

"I am now, yes." She nods. "I just have to cancel a few plans and then I'll leave Seattle." Heading down the porch, she stops in front of Carina and straightens herself out a little. "It's nice to finally meet you, Carina." Stepping around the Italian, she glances back and gives me a small smile. _I don't want her to leave._ "Bye, guys."

My gaze switching to Carina, she is trying to read me and I suspect she is doing a pretty good job right now. "I-I…"

"Go after her, Arizona." She smiles. "I know you want to." _Do I? Do I want to go after her? Do I want to stop her from leaving?_ "Hurry, or she will be gone."

"Just, um…" Throwing her my car keys, she glances down at them in my hand and I feel like a deer caught in headlights right now. Placing the arrangement of flowers down on the porch, I stand upright and brush my hair out of my face. "...take my car. I'll get it back from you tomorrow."

"No, I can walk." She smiles and hands my keys back to me. "Fresh air is good right now."

"I'm sorry…" Taking her hands in my own, I tighten my grip and she gives me a small nod. "I just…I have to do this."

"I know." She agrees. "I hope it will work out for you."

"Me too." I sigh as my gaze drops. "Me too." Watching as she disappears down the drive, my heart rate suddenly speeds up at the prospect of Eliza being gone for good. I know I thought she was gone last week, but the knowledge that she is here, even if we aren't on good terms right now has made me feel a little better over the past few days. I'm still unbelievably mad at her right now, but I'm not mad enough to allow her to leave my life once and for all. I just…I'm not.

Rushing down the porch, I can barely see the back of her but I have to catch up with her. "ELIZA!" Her pace quickening, I know that she is upset right now. Honestly, if the roles were reversed, I'd be upset too. I still maintain that I haven't done anything wrong, but I know I'd crumble if I ever saw her in someone else's arms. I'd be crushed. "ELIZA! Wait!"

Nothing.

 _Come on, Robbins. Think._ I need to stop her somehow. She knows I cannot chase her, and she knows that this rain will kick my ass if even try. Something. Anything. Come on, Arizona…think! "You didn't ruin my bracelet." It's the only words that have come to my head. It's the only thing I can think of that will tell her I don't want her to go. Her body stopping dead as she is about to cross the street, she turns and her eyes find mine. "You didn't." I smile.

"Arizona…" She breathes out as I catch up to her. "Don't do this. Don't feel sorry for me."

"I don't, and I'm still really mad at you, but can we just go inside?" I ask.

"I really don't want to be there while you have her over so thanks, but I think I'll pass."

"She's gone," I state. "Please?"

"Why? Why did you send her away?" She asks, her bottom lip quivering and her eyes filling with tears.

"Why do you think?" I tilt my head a little.

"I don't know." She cries. "But I can't do this. I can't be the possibility in whatever this is." Motioning between us, I close the distance and hold out my hand. "I can't, Arizona."

"Please come inside so we can talk? You are soaked, Eliza."

"I waited for two hours." She shrugs.

"For me to come home?" My heart breaking at her admission, I reach out a little further and tug at her hand. "Come on. You need to warm up." Pulling her closer towards me, my emotions are in ruins right now. I don't know which way is up, but I have to put this to bed for the final time. Either we are doing this, or we aren't. I can't take the uncertainty any longer. I know she has been trying since she reappeared in Joe's, but I am mad at her. I won't even deny that. Heading back across the street, I find myself approaching my place and this is clearly not how I expected my night to go.

Heading up the porch, Eliza stops at the edge of the driveway and I turn back to face her. "Arizona, before I come inside…I need to know that I'm not going to walk out devastated. If that is how this is going to go…I can't do this right now. I don't think my body can take it."

"We have some things to talk about, Eliza."

"I know, and I don't expect to just walk back into your life, but still…I need something to hold onto." Closing the distance between us, I take her hand in my own and place it flat against my chest. Her eyes closing at the close proximity, a tear slips from her eye and I use my free hand to wipe it away.

"Does that tell you enough?" I ask as she feels my heart beating rapidly.

"I-I…"

"I want to work through this with you, Eliza."

"Promise?" Her voice breaking, I pull her up the porch and unlock my front door. Leaving the bags to the side of the door, they are the least of my worries right now. Taking the flowers, I guide her inside and her hand relaxes in my own. Releasing her from my grip, I head for the kitchen and place them in some water.

"I'll just be a minute, okay?"

"Okay." She breathes out. Taking myself off up the staircase, I move into my bedroom and grab some warm comfortable clothes from my closet. I probably have some of Eliza's clothes here anyway, but I don't have time to rummage right now. I don't want her to think that I'm stalling, so I grab some of my own clothes and a towel before heading back downstairs.

"Go and change, Eliza." Handing the pile over, she gives me a thankful smile and brushes the plastered hair from her face. "I'll make us some drinks, okay?"

"Thank you." She smiles. I can see how nervous she is, and how unsure she is about us…but we have to talk and we have to listen to each other. I saw that heartbreak only moments ago when she handed over my gift, and honestly, I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I felt cruel. Disrespectful of what we had. I just…I need to move past the hurt. I need to understand her own point of view and reasons for why she did what she did…and then I can deal with my own hurt and anger towards her. Anger doesn't ever help anything, so whats the point in feeling that way? Isn't it always better to talk things out respectfully and without shouting and screaming at each other?

Moving around the kitchen, I fix up two mugs of hot chocolate and place them down on the coffee table. Taking a seat on the couch, I want to do this as comfortably as possible. I'm not about to sit at the dining table and discuss this like some sort of meeting…so the couch is the next best thing. Hearing movement at the top of the staircase, I stretch out my neck and take my hot chocolate in between my hands. Eliza's has extra marshmallows…it's how she likes it. Bare feet hitting the lower level flooring, I glance over my shoulder and watch her making her way towards me. The fire just about lit, she rounds the couch and stands a little awkwardly. Tugging at the cuffs of my oversized hoody, I give her a smile and motion for her to sit.

"Thank you for the clothes." She smiles.

"No problem." I nod. "Thanks for the flowers.

"That's okay…" She shrugs and drops her gaze. Her eyes catching sight of the mug on the coffee table, a small smile creeps onto her face. "Extra marshmallows?"

"Of course."

"I'm so sorry, Arizona." Her tired green eyes finally find mine and I give her a sad smile followed by a slight nod.

"I'm sorry, too."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Sorry for the sort of cliffhanger but I'm hoping to get another chapter out to you tomorrow evening, UK time. Reviews are welcome as always. I still cannot believe your response to ch4. It means a lot to me. Goodnight. Xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Six

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ELIZA'S POV

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Sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest, I try to ensure that there is a little distance between Arizona and I. I'd love nothing more than to be close to her, and my hand in her own felt amazing outside, but I feel like I need to protect myself. I feel like I need to protect and prepare myself for what may happen tonight. I asked her to promise me that we would be okay, but she didn't respond. I can't say I blame her. I'm pretty sure I'm still the bad guy in all of this. Still, though…I'd like to be able to try. I'd like to be able to show her that I'm here to stay if she will have me. I have no other reason to be in Seattle. She is the only reason I'm still here. I don't have family or friends here, so surely she knows I'm here _only_ for her.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I expected from coming here tonight. It wasn't this…I know that much. I mean, I hoped that she would talk to me, maybe even scream at me, but hot chocolate on her couch? No. Never. I'm trying hard to find the words I need to begin with, but I'm struggling. I'm struggling because she is staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes and I keep losing my concentration. I know she is studying me. I know she is trying to gauge how I'm feeling. It won't work, though. Simply because I don't even know how I'm feeling myself. I don't know what I'm even doing here so it's kinda hard to take this all in right now. "I, uh…" Shaking my head, I cut myself off and roll my eyes.

"You what?" Arizona raises an eyebrow.

"I don't know." I sigh. "I came here with the intention of giving you my words if you would even open the door to me, and now I don't know what to say."

"Maybe start with how you're feeling?" She throws a suggestion my way. "It doesn't matter what about, just anything."

"Devastated." I nod. "That's the one thing I'm feeling for sure."

"Because?" She tries to draw a little more out of me.

"Because of how this has all turned out. Me causing you pain. You causing me pain. Carina…" I see her roll her eyes and I don't like it. She's asked me to tell her how I'm feeling, but I cannot do that if she isn't going to take it seriously. "Arizona…"

"Mm?" She glances my way as she sips on her hot drink.

"Please, don't do that. I'm trying to tell you how I feel and you are dismissing it before I've ever said anything."

"I'm sorry, I just…I don't want you to attack her. This isn't about her. She was just doing what she thought she could do. It's not her fault, Eliza."

"I didn't say it was." My brow furrowed, she drops her gaze. "When have I ever said this was her fault? She didn't know you were with me. She didn't know you weren't single."

"Well, she kinda did, but I told her we had split."

"Right." I nod. "Why did it all happen so fast?"

"Which?" She asks.

"You and Carina…" I breathe out. I know the woman has never done anything to me, but I hate hearing her name. It only reminds me of the fact that she has slept with Arizona. I just don't like it.

"Because you had left." She shrugs. "You had gone, so I was free to do what I wanted."

"And Carina was who you wanted?" I raise an eyebrow. "I'm not judging...I'm just trying to understand your reasons for sleeping with her, is all."

"It doesn't matter why I slept with her, Eliza. I did, and there is nothing I can do about it."

"I'm trying to work with you here, Arizona. At least give me something. Like, when did it start with her?" I can see the look in her eyes and it tells me I'm not going to like her response. It tells me there is more to this than I already know about. A week. As far as I was concerned…it happened around a week after I left.

"T-That night." She stutters.

"What night?" My face full of confusion, she knows I'm not going to like what she has to say.

"The night you left." Her fingers running through her hair, she sets her mug down on the coffee table and shifts a little closer to me. "Eliza, I know you think I did this to hurt you, but I didn't. I swear, I thought you had gone. I thought you had left my life forever."

"But I hadn't." I give her a sad smile. "I think that's what I'm struggling with more than anything. The fact that it was so soon after I'd packed up. I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but did you really feel it was appropriate to sleep with another woman? Did you grieve our relationship at all?"

"No." She answers honestly. "I didn't grieve anything. I was just so mad at you that I couldn't think of you. I couldn't look at anything that concerned you, so no…I didn't grieve our relationship."

"Did you really honestly think that I'd gone for good?" I ask. I know it probably seemed like it, but I thought she knew me better than that.

"Yes." She breathes out. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again. It hurt so much, Eliza. It hurt more than anything and I've had enough hurt to last me a lifetime, so…I just rebelled. I did what I thought I wanted at the time."

"At the time?" I furrow my brow.

"I thought I needed someone else to turn to." She shrugs. "I thought I needed to feel that connection I'd just lost with you…with another person. I just wanted things to be normal for once, but nothing about this is normal. Nothing."

"What exactly are you saying, Arizona? What do you mean you _thought_ you needed someone else?"

"I thought I wanted something with Carina." She drops her gaze. "She just appeared at the bar and I was drinking because of you. It all happened so fast but in that moment…I wanted it. I wanted her. She was saying all of the right things and she was just, I don't even know."

"I saw the way she made you feel, Arizona. Believe me, you wanted something with her…"

"Maybe." She shrugs. "But what she has isn't enough, Eliza. Sure, she is fun and intriguing. Beautiful, and her specialty is crazy, but that's where it ends."

"I hadn't walked away from you." My words barely above a whisper, she places her hand on my knee and my body aches for her touch. It aches for everything that Arizona is. It's like that butterfly anxious feeling…only stronger than ever. Stronger than ever, but breaking my heart all at the same time. "I just needed some time."

"But you should have called me." She sighs. "Or even texted me and told me to back off for a little while. I could have done that. I could have been that person that you scream and shout at…but you didn't. You left me in the dark."

"And I'll forever hate myself for that."

"Don't hate yourself, Eliza. Just learn from it and don't let it happen again."

"Don't let it happen again?" I laugh. "Like I'd ever find anyone like you to walk away from."

"I don't want you to find someone else. I don't want you to leave Seattle and move on with your life."

"Arizona, I wanted to stay. I've even planned to see an apartment on Monday. I just…it's too hard. Being in the same city as you is just too hard."

"You hurt me at your hotel last night, Eliza." Her voice breaking, I toy with the mug in my hands. "Look at me." She asks.

"I'm sorry, Arizona. I never meant to say what I did. I was just mad at this whole thing. I know you hate me. I know you don't want to be around me. You just have to know that I'm sorry and I never meant to bring Callie into it. I should never have said what I did."

"My relationship with you is totally different to what I had with Callie." She whispers as she wipes away a tear from her jawline. "I never expected you to use it against me. You've always been so understanding about everything I've told you…so to hear you say that, it broke my heart."

"Seems it's all I know how to do." I cry. "Breaking your heart and hurting you. Whether it is through my words, or my actions…it's all I do."

"But I kinda get it." She admits. _What?_ "I mean, I don't agree with it and I hate what you said, but I do kinda get it. I realize that you seeing me with her must have hurt. I realize that you didn't expect to see me like that, and had it been me in that position, I would have felt hurt, too."

"I can't compete with her, Arizona." Shaking my head, she furrows her brow. "She has everything that I don't."

"I don't follow…"

"You should be with Carina." I give her an awkward smile and she pulls her hand away from my knee. "You should let her make you feel the way she does. That smile? God, that smile you had on your face when I found you at the bar...I've never seen that from you. Never."

"That isn't true."

"It is Arizona. That was complete happiness." I smile. "I want you to be happy…I'm just not sure you can have that with me. I'm hated here. Even more so now."

"But I don't care about what other people think, Eliza. I thought you knew that." She admits. "Is that why you left? Because of what you thought I'd think?"

"Honestly, yes." I nod. "I couldn't bear for you to be pissed at me, too. Nobody else matters. It's not as if I've ever really had their backing, anyway, but you? I couldn't take that from you, too."

"I don't like what Bailey did."

"You didn't agree with her?" I give her a look of confusion. "You weren't mad at me for not being more concerned about Steph?"

"Steph shouldn't have been in the hospital, Eliza." _Finally, someone fucking agrees with me._ "Webber completely went the wrong way with that decision. Problem is, he has the backing of his wife and Bailey, so you were always going to take the fall for it."

"Now I just feel even more pathetic." I scoff. "I thought you would have hated me."

"No." She smiles. "Never."

"That's why I left. Well, why I moved." I shrug. "I didn't want that fight with you. I didn't want you to tell me how disappointed you were or that we couldn't be together because of what had happened. So I took myself away from it all and gave myself a little space."

"If you'd have just called…" She sighs. "Things could have been so different."

"I know, and I know I've ruined everything. This. Us. I know that I ruined it the moment I walked away from you at the hospital."

"Where do we go from here?" I ask. "We can at least be friends, right?"

"Friends?" She raises an eyebrow. "You really think that we can be friends?"

"I-I…" Shaking my head, I set my cup down and swing my legs over the edge of the couch. "I guess not. I should go. It's getting late." Standing, I round the couch and grab my purse. Glancing down at my clothing, I cannot walk the streets looking like this. "I could really use a cab…"

"You don't have to go." Arizona stands and follows me into the kitchen. Her eyes pulling me in, I want nothing more than to hold her right now. I want to take her in my arms and never let her go. "At least take the guest room?"

"I shouldn't." I shake my head. "Friends stay in guest rooms, but I'm not your friend, so?"

"That isn't what I meant, Eliza." My gaze dropping to the space between us, she curls her fingers under my chin and dips her head a little. "I don't want to _just_ be your friend."

"Then what do you want?" I ask, my eyes desperately pleading with her to say me. To say my name. Or to just give me something, anything, that reassures me that we may possibly be okay.

"You." She gives me a small smile and my heart feels like it is about to beat out of my chest. "We aren't okay, but you are who I want to be with."

"Can I be her?" My words clearly hitting her square in the chest, her brow furrows and she steps a little closer to me. Taking my hands in her own, she brings them up between us and the closeness of her body is making me want to tear up again. I never thought she would say she wanted me again. I never thought she would hold my hands again like she is right now. Like she cares. Like she wants me here. Like she wants _me._

"I don't want you to be her, Eliza." She smiles before placing a kiss to my knuckles. "I just want you to be you."

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Arizona." My voice breaking, she pulls me into a hug and I break down. Uncontrollable sobs wracking my body, her hand runs up and down my back and I've never felt comfort like it. Nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck, she takes a deep breath and holds me tight against her. I know I messed us up big time, but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to give her my all and right now, it seems she is about to let me do that.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, too." _And there it is. The realization and the guilt of what she did. How she made me feel._ "I said I didn't regret it…but I did." Her own emotions coming into play, I run my fingers through her hair and down the back of her neck. "I was just trying to protect myself from you. I had to. I was scared that you would leave again."

Pulling back, my eyes find hers and they are filled with complete sorrow. Hurt. Sadness. Everything that I don't want to see in them. "Hey…" Running my thumb along her cheek, her eyes close and she leans into my touch. "I'm not going anywhere….if you want me, Arizona, I'm here to stay."

"Promise? Promise you'll never leave like that again…"

"I promise." I've never been more sure about anything else in my life. Arizona is my one constant. She is my hope. My friend. My soulmate. I know she is. We may not have been together that long, but I know that she is the only woman I'll ever want by my side. I know that no matter who comes into my life, she will be the one I always see. The _only_ one I'll see. "I meant what I said on your bracelet, you know." My lips now just millimeters from her own, she leans in a little closer and my body craves her lips. My body craves everything about her.

"Say it, Eliza…" Her breath hitching as my lips ghost across hers, the tip of my nose grazes her own and a smile forms on my face. "Please, say it…" The desperation in her voice palpable, I pull back and look her fully in the face.

"I love you, Arizona."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Your reviews have been amazing for this fic. It won't be much longer, maybe 4-5 chapter at a push, but I have a few things left for you so it isn't quite ending just yet. Reviews are welcome as always…..**


	7. Chapter 7

**I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Seven

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Waking to the sound of light breathing beside me, I glance to my right and smile when I realize that last night wasn't a dream. I didn't plan for our conversation to turn out like this, but I'm glad that it did. I'm glad that we could come together and talk openly about how we were feeling. I know we aren't okay, and Eliza knows that, too, but we can only try. I know we can get back to that good place. I know we can let the past go and move forward. Sure, she's no longer at the hospital, but that doesn't mean that we can't be together. I couldn't care any less about people's opinions, and I couldn't care any less if they approve or not. It's not their lives. It's not their business. I know Eliza will be worried about it all, but she also knows that we are stronger than Grey Sloan. She knows that we can do anything we want to and we shouldn't have to face criticism from anyone for that.

Turning on my side, I study Eliza's profile and I see not one single flaw. She's just…I don't even know how to describe it. She is everything I want in my life. Sure, Carina was beautiful, too, but she's not Eliza. She doesn't make my heart burst with every emotion imaginable. She doesn't give me that butterfly feeling just when I look at her. Arousal, yes…but love? Commitment? A future? I don't feel anything where those are concerned. I'm glad that she told me her intentions before I got too attached. It means that I don't have to hurt myself. Honestly, even if Carina was here to stay…I don't think I could have chosen her over Eliza. She just…she doesn't give me the impression that she could settle down. She's too…out there, shall we say? She flaunts what she's got. Anyone with eyes can see the arousal and sex oozing from her. I'd be forever worried they it was going to turn to shit when she met someone else. Women like that often do. She's a great woman, but I think I did the right thing in calling Eliza back here last night.

The air needed clearing. Our heads needed clearing. Everything was a mess…and to a degree still is, but we've said what needed to be said, and now we move on from it. It's as simple as that, really. Sure, we said hurtful things and did hurtful things to each other…but this woman lay beside me loves me and I cannot ask for more than that. Placing a soft kiss below her ear, she stirs a little but settles again moments later. _Figured._ She always does that. She always gets me excited to see those beautiful eyes, only to let me down in a split second.

Slowly climbing from the bed, I slip my robe over my shoulders and fix it around my body. I could use a coffee right now, and I'm going to assume that Eliza could too when she wakes. Last night we lay awake for a few hours talking and my brain is honestly fried right now. Not necessarily with anything she had to say, but just with everything in general. Just with life.

Slipping out of my bedroom. _Our_ bedroom. I make my way down the staircase and head for the kitchen. Hearing movement, I furrow my brow and Andrew comes around the corner. "Hey, sorry." He smiles when I'm a little startled. "I was just getting coffee."

"Oh, don't worry about it." I wave off his comment. "You working today?"

"Yeah, about to head in." He nods. "Is Carina here?"

"No." I give him a sad smile. "We, uh…we called it a day."

"Damn it." A little anger in his voice, I furrow my brow and he shakes his head. "She always does that. I told her. I told her I hated her doing that."

"Doing what?" I laugh.

"She just sleeps with all of my friends and then leaves. I'm sorry, Arizona."

"Oh, she does, huh?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Mm…" He nods. "I thought maybe it would be different with you, but clearly not."

"Andrew, it's fine." I smile. "It was mutual, I think." Seems I did have a lucky escape after all. I wasn't aware that Carina popped up every now and then in Andrew's life to take her pick of his friends, but it doesn't really matter now. I have the woman I'm supposed to in my bed upstairs. I have Eliza back in my life and that is how it was always supposed to be. Filling two cups with coffee, I prepare Eliza's just how she likes it and move back towards the staircase. "Have a great day, yeah?"

"Sure, yeah." He smiles. "You, too, Robbins."

Taking the stairs slowly, a small smile appears on my face when I realize I'm probably going to spend the morning in bed with her. Last night we got a little handsy, but we both agreed that we needed to allow everything to sink in before we went any further. I'm not expecting anything this morning but I'm also not going to hold back should _that_ situation arise. I know I want Eliza, and she does, too. At least, I hope she does. I hope she knows that I'm all in. She just can't do that again. She can't walk away when she assumes to know how I feel without talking to me first. I don't suspect she will, though. I think she has realized the mistake she made, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with knowing that she was just worried and it wasn't necessarily about me.

Nudging the door open with my elbow, I step inside our bedroom and find Eliza awake and resting back against the headboard. "Hey, good morning." I smile.

"Hey…" She breathes out.

"Figured you'd want coffee…" Handing over her cup, she gives me a thankful smile and takes it from my hands. Setting my own cup down, I remove my robe and climb back into bed. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah…" She nods, unable to look at me. "You?"

"I did." A single tear slipping down the side of her face, I furrow my brow and brush it away. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing." She smiles, her head shaking a little. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not," I state as I sit up in the bed a little better and turn to meet her eyes. "Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I thought I'd lost you, Arizona. I thought I'd lost you forever and then I wake here this morning and it's just a little overwhelming, I guess."

"And that's okay." I smile as I run my thumb across her bottom lip. "So long as you are okay, then I won't worry too much."

"No, don't worry. I'm just trying to get my head around the fact that you took me back. That you chose me. That I'm here." A smile appearing on my face, I lean in a little closer and press a soft kiss to her lips. Pulling back, her eyes close and she licks her lips. "Mm, but that tells me that I'm _really_ here."

"Good." Pressing another kiss to her lips, she smiles against my own and pulls me in by the back of my neck. "Maybe we should just relax today…what do you say?"

"I say, yes."

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

God, it feels so good to be here. So _right_ to be here. We have literally spent the day lounging around and honestly, I've loved every minute of it. I've loved hearing Arizona's laugh. Seeing her smile. Hearing her talk about Sofia and how awesome she is doing at school. It melts my heart every time she talks about her daughter. _Every time._ She's happy, but there is a little sadness in her eyes with each word she says about her. That's understandable, though. I mean, if that were me, I don't know how I'd cope. I don't know how I'd live day to day not knowing when I was going to hear her voice again. Both of them are happy, though, and that's what matters more than anything else.

Sunday's were always a day for us to relax if we weren't working, and thankfully Arizona has the day off…and well, I'm still technically jobless. We spoke a little about Seattle Pres earlier and she told me to go for it. I mean, if I'm staying…which I am, I should take it, right? It's the Chief of Ortho position so why turn it down? It may be at a different hospital, but at least I'll still be in Seattle. Where I'm supposed to be. At least Arizona and I will be able to move on relationship wise and be happy.

"Hey, did you want to order in?" Her voice pulling me from my future plans, I glance up at her and find her standing on the other side of the coffee table. "I can cook if you'd prefer?"

"No, takeout sounds good." I nod in agreement. "Can you come here first, though?"

"Sure. What's up?" She asks, her brow furrowed.

"Nothing." I shrug. Rounding the table, she comes to stand in front of me and I pull her down. Her legs straddling my own on the couch. "I just wanted to get a closer look at you." My fingers ghosting beneath her oversized tee, her skin is on fire. I can feel the heat radiating from her entire being.

"Is this close enough?" She asks as she pulls my body into her own.

"Mm…" I smile. "Perfect." My fingers grazing her bare skin between her breasts, she arches her back and I lift her tee up and over her head. Gorgeous breasts coming into full view, her eyes find mine and she gives me an awkward smile. Love bites on her chest and shoulder more than evident, she attempts to say something but my lips find her skin and she knows I'm okay. Trailing up until I reach her nipple, I run the flat of my tongue over it, and she moans in delight. "You are all I want in life, Arizona." Yes, seeing Carina's work did anger me a little, but I'm the one who is here with her. She may have had her hands and her mouth on my girlfriend, but this is my territory. This is my body. _All mine._ I know exactly what she likes and how she wants it. I know when she is ready for more and when she wants to slow it down a little. I'm the one who has spent the past few months getting to know all there is to know about Arizona. Not Carina. Not anyone else. Me! Only me.

Sensing that I'm thinking a little harder than I should be right now, my girlfriend takes my face in her hands and presses a kiss to my lips. "She's not you, Eliza. She never will be." _And that's all I needed to hear to know that this is the right thing to do._ That is all I needed to hear to know that I'm supposed to be here like this with Arizona. "Take me to bed…" She whispers as her lips work the skin of my neck. "I need you to take me to bed."

Sitting up off of the couch, she wraps herself around me and pulls me in for a much-needed kiss. She is all I'm feeling right now. Everything about my existence is purely based around this woman in my lap. She is my life. She will always be my life. If only last week had gone differently, we never would have left each other's side. It didn't go differently, though, and I have to accept that. I have to move on and appreciate this moment more than any I've already shared with her. Her tongue running up the roof of my mouth, I shudder against the body and she takes my bottom lip between her teeth. "God, how do you do that?" She pulls back, a little breathless.

"Do what?" I ask, my voice low.

"I don't even know." She shakes her head and climbs off of me. "But I need you in our bed right now, Eliza. I don't want to do this with you here." I don't know if she is referring to the fact that she slept with Carina here, or whether she just wants it to be perfect, but I'm more drawn to the words she has just used. She said _our_ bed. Not her bed. Not _the_ bed. _Ours._

Her hand in my own, tighter than ever, she pulls me towards the staircase and turns back to face me. Her eyes darker than ever, my own trail her upper body and a flood of arousal gathers between my legs. "You are so beautiful, Arizona."

"Thank you for coming back." She smiles as she pulls me into her body. She cannot keep her hands off me, but I'm not complaining. Why would I? Guiding my body up the stairs, she loses her footing and falls back, taking me with her. Settled perfectly between her thighs, my material covered center meets her own and my head begins to spin. I've been with many women, but none of them have ever made me feel how Arizona does. None of them have ever made me feel this overwhelming sense of love that I'm feeling right now. "I missed you…" She breathes out, my face only millimeters from her own. "I missed you so much."

Her breath washing over my face and tickling my skin, my tongue runs across her lip and she forces her hips up against my own. She needs me and she needs me now. I know that much. Pulling her up to her feet, I turn her around and place light kisses over the markings Carina has left. I don't need to mark my girlfriend. I don't need to _make_ her mine. I already know she is mine. My arms wrapping around Arizona's waist, we head up the few stairs we didn't quite manage to make a few minutes ago and reach our bedroom door.

Pushing her back against the wood separating us from our bed, her hands slip beneath my hoodie and it is stripped from my body faster than the speed of light. Her lips all over my body, she slips her hand beneath the waistband of my yoga pants and takes a grip of my ass. Her nails sinking into my skin, I gasp and her tongue once again invades my mouth. "Arizona, you are so very hot right now…but I need you behind that door." I mumble as she drags her nails up my ass. "Right now."

Toying with the door handle, it swings open and we stumble inside. Her lips never leaving mine. Forcing her back and toward the bed, her legs connect with the edge and she falls back, pulling me down on top of her. Her hands cupping my face, I brace myself ok my arms and she searches my face. Her eyes narrowing ever so slightly, she gives me a dimpled smile and pulls me down into a heated kiss. A kiss I'm not sure I've ever experienced in my life. I need to catch my breath but I cannot and I will not stop this. She could take my last breath right now and I'd thank her for it. This is pure love coming from her. Love, and trust. _I hope she does trust me._ My knee slipping between her own, I grip the waistband of her pants and slip them over her perfect ass. "I've missed you, too, Arizona." A smile appearing on my face when I discover she isn't wearing any panties, I bite down on my own bottom lip and her fingers graze my thighs. "You really are so beautiful."

Her pants removed, I climb from the bed and remove my own from my body before coming to rest on my knees in front of her. "God, I've missed your touch." She whispers as my fingertips toy with the skin of her stomach. "It's all I craved, Eliza. It's all I wanted."

"I know." Giving her a sad smile, I brace my hands either side of her body and press my lips to the marks on her shoulder. I hate that Carina has done this to her beautiful body. I hate that she got this close. I don't know her, but I don't like her. She should never have been here. She should never have been in Arizona's arms. I'm mad at myself for that. "I'm not leaving, Arizona. Never again." My lips close to her ear, she slips her hand between our bodies and grazes the inside of my thigh. Almost losing my balance at the sensations she is creating throughout my body, all breath leaves my body as she runs her fingertips through my folds. The arousal I'm experiencing right now is more than enough to tip me over the edge within seconds, but I don't want to. I can't.

"I love feeling you against me." She breathes out against my neck. "It's my comfort." Teasing my entrance, I groan in absolute pleasure before she slips a single finger inside of me. "I love feeling you." Her words low and pulling me closer to the edge, I close my eyes and allow her to make me feel good. I allow her to take what she wants from me. Everything I am belongs to her…she can take whatever she likes. "But most of all…" She whispers as I lift my head and her eyes find mine. "I love _you_ , Eliza."

 _She said it. She said it back._ Studying her face, I find nothing but complete honestly beaming from those remarkable blue eyes. Those eyes that could turn me into a puddle in a matter of seconds. Those eyes that bring me so much joy. "Yeah?" I smile.

"Yeah." Her dimples pop and she pulls me into another kiss. "Always." A second finger slipping deep inside of me, I gasp against her mouth and she smiles. "Feel good, huh?"

"Amazing…" I groan as she begins a rhythm between my legs. My own hand coming into play, I dip it between her thighs and I'm met with molten heat. "So wet…" I whisper as she hits deeper with each thrust. My knees shaking as I allow my body to be consumed by this absolute beauty beneath me, I thrust two fingers deep inside of her and her back arches from the bed, causing her own movements to slow a little.

"Fuck, Eliza." Her words a little broken, I watch as her free hand grips the sheets beneath us and her mouth falls open a little. Her breathing labored, I feel a little pride deep within myself for the pleasure I'm giving her right now. I didn't expect this. I didn't even expect to be here this morning, but I am…I am and its the most amazing feeling in the world. Everything about this day has been awesome, and this is just going to be the perfect ending. Our perfect ending. Curling my fingers deep inside, I hit that sweet spot and her mouth falls open a little more. Placing kisses along her jawline as her head buries deeper into her pillow, I've got complete unrestricted access to her body right now. "God, yes…I-I, shit…" Her words falling short, she wraps her leg around my waist and pulls my center in painfully close to her own. Our bodies riding each other's hands, I feel that burning in the pit of my stomach beginning to increase. It's the most amazing feeling in the world, and when it is Arizona making me feel this way…it's indescribable. "Eliza, I…"

"You what?" I ask, a little breathlessly. "What do you need, baby?"

"I need you to make me feel amazing…I need to come." My pace increasing, I swipe my thumb over her clit and her breathing actually stops. Convulsing beneath me, she shakes and moans as she rides out her orgasm and I all I can do is look on in complete satisfaction. "Fuck, yes." Her breath returning, she grinds against my hand and my thumb works her clit. Her center continuing to tighten around my fingers, she slips a third inside me and my world is well on its way to being completely rocked.

"D-Don't stop." I moan as I sink down on her fingers. "Shit…" Her fingers curling, my body jolts forward a little and I cannot hold off on my orgasm any longer. "Y-Yes, right there…A-Arizona, oh god, yes." Ripping through me like a freight train, my orgasm sets every nerve on fire and I'm not sure I can keep my body up any longer. I'm trying, I really am…but she is killing me right now. "F-Fuck…" I breathe out as I drop down on top of her.

"You are all I'll ever need, Eliza." Brushing my hair from my face, she places a kiss on my forehead and our bodies mold into one. "Don't ever make me have to tell you that again, okay?"

"Y-Yes." I nod. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Giving myself a couple of minutes to control my body and my breathing, a comfortable silence falls between us and in this moment, everything is perfect. Everything is as it should be. We are in each other's arms…and honestly, I couldn't ever possibly want to be anywhere else.

 _Fucking Carina? I don't think so…._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Your reviews are always welcome and appreciated. Tons of love. Xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Eight

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Wow, it's all I've got right now. Spending the night with Eliza last night was more than I could have hoped for. Don't get me wrong, being in someone else's arms gave me that sense of being needed, but I don't need to be needed. Especially not by someone who goes through her brother's friends like there is no tomorrow. I just need to be loved. Eliza provides that. And I know she always will. She just oozes loves and commitment. Carina…not so much. Her intentions spoke volumes when she told me to go after Eliza. They really did. Did I need or want her approval to go after my girlfriend? Not really, no. I do appreciate her thoughts on the situation, though. Not because I needed to hear it, but I don't want to be known as someone who sleeps around to get what they want and then just disappear. I've been known as that before, and it's not how I want to be. It's not how I want to be seen.

Settled back in our bed, I stare up at the empty space above me and sigh. It's a happy kind of sigh. Whatever that even is. Once again, she is sleeping soundly, and I love that. I love the sound of her breathing. I love the sound of absolute silence. Her silence is calming and peaceful. Her silence tells me that she is where she belongs. She is home. With me. Us. As it should be. I mean, she is probably still a little wary of what is going on between us, but she has nothing to worry about. She has no reason to think that we aren't going to work out. I know we will. I could see it when she looked into my eyes last night. I could feel it as she writhed beneath me until the early hours of the morning. I could feel the absolute love between us.

We've both hurt each other, but it's time to move on from that. It's time to let the past go and move forward to bring out the true happiness we deserve. Because we do deserve it. We deserve everything we have to offer each other. Stirring beside me, I watch her body intently as she automatically turns over and throws her arm across my stomach. _She's beautiful._ Smiling to myself, she cracks one eye open and I continue to stare. "Morning…"

"Mm…does it have to be?" She moans against the pillow. "Can we stay here?"

"You can, but I have work to do." I shrug. "I have a surgery in a few days that I need to prepare for, but it shouldn't take long."

"You have to go to the hospital?" She whines.

"Nope." I smile. "Everything that I need is here."

"O-Oh." She smiles a half smile and scoots a little closer to me. "I won't get in the way, don't worry." Placing a kiss on my jaw, my stomach flutters and I can't quite believe that I'm lying in bed with Eliza Minnick. "Can I get us some coffee?" She asks as her sleepy state slowly disappears.

"Yeah, come on." Sliding out from under the covers, I grab my robe and slip it over my shoulders. Throwing her own to her, I'm thankful that it was still hanging on the back of our bedroom door. I'd thought about throwing it away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to completely erase her from my life. "Let's head down together."

Standing, she wraps the material around her body and takes my hand in her own. Her lips finding mine, she moans into my mouth and her free hand comes to rest on my hip. "I'm so happy to be here…"

"Me too." I give her a nod in agreement and we both step out into the hallway. "Breakfast?"

"Mmhmm…" She wraps her arms around me from behind and we slowly make our way to the staircase. "I'll make it."

"Fine by me." Taking the stairs slowly, her body is molded into mine and it feels amazing. It feels like she never left. _God, I wish she'd never left._ My foot hitting the hardwood flooring, her lips work the skin of my neck and she takes my earlobe between her teeth. "You really have to stop that." I moan as I turn my head a little.

"Maybe I don't wanna." She whispers and it causes my body to shudder.

"We will never get breakfast if you don't stop." I groan as her hand slips past the fastening of my robe. She knows I'm totally naked beneath it, and right now she is playing on that. "Eliza…" I breathe out as her fingers meet my arousal.

"Mm, you're wet." She moans into my ear. "Why are you so wet?"

"T-Thinking about you…" I breathe out as she slowly works my clit. "Fuck…" Her hand suddenly disappearing, I groan at the loss of contact and turn in her arms. Forcing me back and into the kitchen, her lips are attached to mine but she stops dead in the middle of the room. "Um…" Pulling back, I furrow my brow and follow her eyes. Glancing over my shoulder, my heart drops into my stomach when I find Carina standing in her bra, sipping on coffee.

"I, uh…" Removing her hands from my waist, she takes a few steps back and turns her back on me. "I should go." Her words barely above a whisper, she is gone faster than the speed of light and I'm left standing with my ex...whatever she was.

"What are doing here?" I furrow my brow.

"Andrew gave me his key." She shrugs. "I'm sorry if I interrupted something." Carina gives me a knowing smile and I'm kinda mad at her right now.

"Why did your brother give you his key?" I demand an answer and fold my arms across my chest. "Huh?"

"He was working late and I didn't leave until midnight. He said it would be okay for me to stay here." She states as she steps a little closer to me. "I was just getting ready to leave…"

"And that is fine, but could you maybe dress before you head for my kitchen next time, please?" _Next time? There won't ever be a next time._ Raising an eyebrow, she gives me a slight shrug and I shake my head. "You shouldn't really be here…"

"Well, I was hoping it hadn't gone so well with her, and I wanted to surprise you, but I guess I was too late." Her words causing a little anger to stir inside of me, I turn away from her and head for the staircase. " Arizona…" She calls me back but I simply turn on the stairs. "You know if it doesn't go to uh…plan, I'll be waiting for your call."

"Don't bother." I give her a sarcastic smile. I'd usually laugh off a comment like that, but Eliza has disappeared and Carina has angered me by being here and disrupting what we had going on. "It's all going to work out just as it should." Leaving the beautiful Italian standing alone in my kitchen, I rush up the stairs as fast as my body will allow and open the bedroom door to find my girlfriend dressing as fast as she possibly can. Tears falling from her eyes. "Hey…" I stop her from pulling on her shirt. "Stop, Eliza."

"I thought we were okay." She cries. "You told me you wanted _me._ Yet, she is half naked in your home." A look of complete heartbreak on her face, I drop my gaze and make a mental note to have a serious word with DeLuca later. "I know it's only been what? One night…but I thought we were okay."

"We are okay, Eliza. She's not here because I asked her to be…"

"Then why the hell is she here?" My girlfriend raises her voice a little and I'm a little shocked, to be honest. "Well?"

"She is Andrew's sister." I sigh as I take a seat on the edge of the bed.

"So, she lives here with you guys?" Eliza scoffs. "This is just fucking perfect." Throwing up her hands, she slips her shirt over her shoulders and shakes her head. "I can't be here with you while she is in this house, Arizona, it's too painful. I'm sorry."

"She's not supposed to be here," I state as I stand and stop her from packing up her things. "I promise you, I did not know she would be here and it won't happen again."

"I just…I can't be where she is. It hurts." Her gaze dropping, I give her a nod in understanding and curl my fingers beneath her chin. I can see why she is upset, but I don't want the progress we have made to be undone. I can't undo it. "I can't." She cries.

"Hey, look at me." Those green eyes finding my own, I give her a sad smile and a tear falls down her face. "I don't want her here. Andrew gave her his room last night and I didn't know anything about it. How could I? I was in bed with _you,_ Eliza. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Seeing her was as much of a surprise for me as it was for you. Please believe that…"

"I just…" Sighing, she grips both of my hands and takes a breath. "Can you seriously tell me you would rather have me than her? I mean, have you actually taken a minute to look at her and see how beautiful she is?"

"Don't." I stop her. "Don't dare compare yourself to her, Eliza. I love _you._ Not her. You are the one that I want and you always will be."

"That may be true, but she has so much more than me." She admits. "She has way more going for her than I do."

"That's not true." My voice breaks. "You are incredible. You make my heart pound out of my chest. I don't have to wonder where we are going or what our future is because I know that it's you. It will always be you. And your body?" I raise an eyebrow. "Breathtaking." I breathe out. "Absolutely stunning."

"Thank you." She sighs. "Just...can you get rid of her?" _Oh, happily._ I mean, I know I was incredibly attracted to Carina, but since Eliza came back into my life, I haven't once thought about her. Nothing about her whatsoever. Sure, she's great and a really nice person, but that's where it ends. That's where it will always end.

"I think she took the hint when I left her standing there." I smile. "Come on, I want food before I begin my day with you." Tugging at her wrist, I pull her out of the bedroom and we head back downstairs. My hope is that Carina is gone, but if she isn't, Eliza has to know and she has to see that I have nothing to give the other woman. She has to believe that she is mine and I am hers.

* * *

Settled down on the couch, breakfast was perfect and Eliza has calmed down a little. I understand why she was so mad and ready to leave, but I'm thankful that she trusted my words. I'm thankful that she allowed me to explain why Carina was here. Honestly, I'm still not quite sure why she was here myself, and I don't like what she said to me, but my girlfriend doesn't need to know that. She doesn't need to know that Carina was here with the intention of sleeping with me had it all gone wrong. That would only aggravate the situation I'm trying to calm down. It would only leave Eliza feeling more insecure than she is probably already feeling.

I hate that she compared herself to Carina again this morning. I hate that her looks even play on her mind. Surely she knows she is drop dead gorgeous? Surely she knows that everything about her is beyond beautiful? I'd hope she would know that and she was just having a moment, but I'm not so sure. I'm not sure because she has compared herself to Carina more than once now, so it's not a spare of the moment comment. It can't have been.

"Hey…" Pulling my girlfriend from her own thoughts, she glances my way and gives me a sad smile. "Are we okay?" I ask.

"Y-Yeah." Running her hands down her thighs, she releases a deep breath. "I think so."

"Thinking so isn't good enough." I shift closer to her and turn to face her fully. "I don't want you to think of yourself as less, Eliza. I just want us to be happy. I want us to get back to that good place we were in before the hospital happened and everything turned to crap. I need us to get back to that good place. It's important to me."

"Me too, but that's kinda hard to do when she is in your kitchen in her bra."

"I get that." I sigh. "I really do, but there isn't anything I can do about her being here this morning. I'll speak to Andrew and I'll tell him it's not acceptable. He didn't know we were back together, though, so I can't really be mad at him."

"I know, but please don't let it happen again." She gives me a sad smile. "I know you couldn't control it, and I'm sure she's lovely, but I don't like her being here."

"Got it." I nod. "I am sorry she was here, though."

"I know." She gives me a smile and places her hand over my own. "I'm sorry I raised my voice. She just makes me angry and I don't know why. I mean, I do, but I don't know why I'm letting her get to me like she is."

"Understandable." I shrug. "But…now you have to make it up to me."

"Mm...is that so?" She smirks as she leans her body over mine and pushes me down onto my back. "And how exactly am I to make it up to you?" Her eyes narrowing, she studies my face before her tongue runs along my bottom lip. "Any suggestions?"

"Oh, I don't know." I smile. "You're a big girl, I'm sure you can figure it out yourself."

"Yeah, I can think of a few things…" Her lips working the skin of my neck, my head buries deeper into the cushion it is resting on and I prepare myself to get lost in everything that is Eliza. "But first…" Pulling back, she stares into my eyes and gives me a genuine smile. "I just need you to know what I'm here to stay Arizona. I need you to trust and believe what I'm saying because I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life. I messed up by leaving you, but I'm here to show you that I _am_ the one you are supposed to be with. I'm here to show you that my love is all you will ever need."

"Show me, Eliza…" Her fingers slipping up and under my robe, I arch up into her touch and she bites down on her bottom lip. "I trust you, but right now...I really need you to show me."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome as always.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.**

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Chapter Nine

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ELIZA'S POV

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Arizona's robe falling open as I tug on the belt holding it in place, I will never tire of seeing her gorgeous body. I'll never tire of tasting it. Touching it. Owning it. Because I do, I own her body. She is mine, and everything about her belongs to me. I'm the one who sees it every day. I'm the one who is blessed with the opportunity to touch her soft skin. My smile widening as I trail my fingertips down between her breasts, her body shudders and goosebumps creep onto her skin. Her eyes never leaving my own, I ghost my fingers across her lower stomach and her legs fall open either side of my body. That tells me she needs me. It tells me she is done with teasing and she wants to feel me deep inside of her. Now that I can do, and I can do it better than Carina ever could. I know exactly what my girlfriend needs. Better than anyone else. "Eliza…" She breathes out as her hips arch up off of the couch.

Smiling as my eyes focus on her glistening center, I run a single digit up the length of her sex and her thighs shake. "Fuck." I smile. "You've no idea how hot you look right now." Shifting back on the couch a little, she rests her back against the arm and it only gives me more room to work with. _Amazing._ Climbing from the couch, I shift her leg a little and she rests it on the coffee table, her knee bent. Opening herself up to me completely, I bite down on my bottom lip and my own arousal floods in my panties. I may be at a disadvantage because I'm fully clothed, but this is all about Arizona right now. She is absolutely dripping with want and I'm going to give it to her regardless of how I'm dressed. Getting to my knees, I separate her soaked folds with my thumbs and she moans as I blow against her clit. Taking a long, slow firm lick up the length of her center, her breath catches in her throat and I glance up to find her fingers tangled in her own hair, her head thrown back on her shoulders.

"God, I could taste you forever." I breathe out as I slip a single finger deep inside of her. Watching as my finger disappears in and out of her, I add another and she releases a guttural moan. Rubbing at that spot that drives her wild, I watch on in delight as her body struggles to hold onto its senses. My thumb resting over her clit, she bucks her hips against my hand, desperate for a little more. "You love that, huh?"

"Take me, Eliza." Her words barely audible, she bites down on her bottom lip and stares into my eyes. "Please, take me." Grinding down against my fingers, I blow against her clit again and she groans as I add a third finger. "Fuck, yes." Her chest heaving, I suck her clit into my mouth and roll my tongue over it. "Shit." Her hands now gripping the couch either side of her, I pump in and out of her and her walls squeeze me, pulling me further inside. "Eliza, I-I can't…" Shaking her head, she closes her eyes and her body writhes against my mouth. "I-I, oh God."

"Let go, Arizona," I whisper as I pull back for a little air. Leaning my body over her own, I press my lips against hers and I swallow a moan that she releases from deep within her throat. I know she loves tasting herself on my lips and right now is no exception. "I want to make you mine once and for all." My thrusts increasing, my thumb runs over her clit and her walls squeeze my fingers. "I love you and I need you to be mine."

"I-I, I'm yours, Eliza." Her stomach tightening against my own, she pulls me down against her and her fingernails dig into my hips. _Fuck, she just broke skin._ Adding a little extra strength behind my thrusts, she wraps one leg around my waist and forces me harder into her center. "Yes, oh god...o-oh." Her sudden silence telling me all I need to know, she releases a long, drawn out moan and it's like music to my ears. "Yes…" Her words barely above a whisper, I lift my head a little and I find the most adorable smile on her face. "God, I love you so much." Her breathing labored, I place light kisses along her jawline and she tilts her head a little. Giving me better access to that sweet spot below her ear.

"Let's take this to the bedroom…I'm not finished showing you just how much I love you yet." My words causing her eyes to darken once again, I pull her up to her feet and grab her robe from the couch. Feeling my body being dragged up the stairs only makes me need Arizona even more, and I know that today is going to be spent making some major love.

 _Over and over again…_

* * *

"God, you just don't quit." My lips working the skin of my girlfriend's neck, I rest my head on her shoulder and sigh with pure contentment. "And I wouldn't want you any other way."

"Today has been amazing." She breathes out as we both rest against the headboard. "You have been amazing."

"So, I showed you, huh?" Raising my eyebrow, she gives me a smirk and a nod in agreement. "Good." I smile. "So long as you know exactly how I feel, I'm happy."

"Oh, I know how you feel." Arizona laughs. "Funny how I feel the exact same way, huh?" Her cell buzzing on the nightstand, she reaches over for it and unlocks the screen. Her eyes widening a little and a small smile creeping onto her face, I furrow my brow.

"Everything okay, baby?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's um…it's my daughter, Sofia. She…she wants to move home." _Wow._ The smile on her face the biggest I've ever seen, my heart melts for my girlfriend.

"Wow…" I breathe out as I shake my head. "That's…wow."

"Oh." Her gaze dropping, I'm a little confused. "You didn't sign up for a kid." She sighs.

"Whoa…that's not what I was saying." I try to explain myself. "I just didn't expect you to get that message, is all."

"Yeah." She gives me a slight nod. "Me neither." Climbing from the bed, she takes a seat on the edge and grips her cell phone in her hands. "Just, uh…I need a moment to myself."

"Sure." This is huge news for her and she is probably wondering how she got so lucky. She's told me all about the court case but I'm yet to actually meet her daughter. Sofia sends her pictures at least once a week, but I'd love to finally meet her one day. If Arizona would allow me to. I don't know how she feels about introducing Sofia to new people, especially love interests. Partners. Girlfriends. From what I know, Callie left with her new girlfriend for New York, so I know Sofia is aware of her mom's preferences, but that doesn't mean Arizona wants me around when her daughter comes home. I would understand if she wanted to be alone with her.

Slipping out of the bed, I pull on an oversized hoody and grab a pair of boy shorts from the dresser. Making my way out into the hall, I can hear crying coming from downstairs and I know it's Arizona. _She's happy._ Smiling to myself, I take the stairs two at a time and reach the bottom before I've had time to even think. "Hey…" I round the wall separating us and find Arizona braced against the kitchen counter. "Arizona?"

"Sorry, I just...I'll tell her now isn't a good time." She turns to face me, complete heartbreak on her beautiful face. "You know, give us a little while longer to figure _us_ out."

"No." I give her a sad smile. "You won't do that."

"I will because I don't want to lose you, Eliza." She cries. "I've just got you back and I can't lose you already."

"Why would you lose me?" I step closer to her and her gaze drops. "You aren't making any sense right now."

"You want me…" She sighs. "Not me _and_ a kid. That was never in our plans. Sofia was never a part of the package you signed up for."

"I didn't _sign up_ for anything." I scoff. "I love you, and whatever else comes with that…it's no problem."

"You say that, but how can I be sure this won't fall apart when Sofia arrives? How can I be sure you will still truly want me when my daughter is taking up my time?"

"Do you want Sofia here with you?" I ask, my voice soft.

"More than anything." She breathes out. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"Then pick up that phone and call your ex-wife." I smile. "What are you even thinking about it for?"

"Your face." She glances up at me. "You said wow."

"So?" I furrow my brow. "I said wow because it's amazing news for you…"

"Are you going to leave?" She asks, her voice breaking. "Am I going to be doing this alone?"

"No, Arizona." Closing the distance between us, I take her hands in my own. "I'm not going anywhere. Unless you don't want me to be a part of this, then I'm staying."

"Y-You are?" She asks, a small smile appearing on her face. "You'd stay?"

"Of course, I would." Pulling her against me, I guide us back and she comes to rest against the counter. "Your daughter coming home just makes this even more amazing. Like, imagine if I'd never come back and I'd missed out on meeting Sofia? Imagine if I'd have gone for good and missed out on the happiness you and Sofia could give me? If you want me Arizona…if you want me in this with you? I couldn't think of anything better."

"I want you in this with me." She smiles. "If you can accept my daughter into your life, then I want you here with me. For good."

"For good?" I furrow my brow.

"Yeah." Her fingers running through her hair, her eyes find mine and she studies my face. "I want you here, for good. I know you spend all of your time here, but I don't want you coming and going once Sofia is home. I want things to be normal for her. So, if you'll be okay to do so…I want you to move in."

"You do?" A huge smile appearing on my face, she gives me a nod. "You want me to live with you?"

"Yes, Eliza. Sofia has been through enough ups and downs where Callie and I are concerned. She's been moved around more times than I care to think about. Just…think about it, okay? I was going to ask you to stay, anyway, but now I know for sure that I do. My daughter has a family in New York with Callie and Penny, so now it's time for her to have one with you and me."

"Yes, Arizona." I squeal. "Always, yes."

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

I'm not entirely sure what's happening right now, but I'm not complaining. Sofia wants to come home. She wants to come to me. The woman who messed up her life by cheating on her other mother. The woman who dragged her through a court battle only to allow her to leave anyway. I don't know why she wants to come home, but I'm glad. I'm glad that my daughter will soon be back in my arms. I'm glad that she believes that this is the place for her. I have some arrangements to make, but first I need to call my ex-wife. I need to call her and confirm that this is all really happening. I'm not sure I could take the heartbreak if it turned out to be untrue.

Hitting a familiar number on the screen of my cell, I wait for the call to connect and take a deep breath. "Hello?"

"Hey, Cal."

"Arizona, hey… You got my message?" My ex-wife asks.

"I did, yeah." Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair. "What's going on?"

"I just…Sofia isn't happy here." She admits. "I've noticed it more the past few weeks and we had a talk last night. I asked her if she wanted to come home to you and she said yes."

"How can you be sure she isn't just saying it?" I ask.

"I let her sleep on it. When she woke this morning, she asked when you were coming to take her home…" The sadness in Callie's voice breaks my heart, and I'm trying to contain my excitement. "I don't know where I went wrong, Arizona."

"You didn't go wrong, Callie."

"Well, I clearly have since my daughter no longer wants to be around me."

"Cal, that's not true and you know it." Eliza comes back into the living room and she takes a seat opposite to me. I know she is giving me a little space right now, and honestly, I appreciate it. "Maybe she is just going through something. Maybe she is having one of her moments. I don't know."

"So, what are we supposed to do?" She asks. "How am I supposed to know what the right thing to do is? She's seven, Arizona. How can I possibly allow her to leave just because she said she wants to?"

"I don't know…" I sigh. "I just…maybe you have to let her go, and if in six months she does this again, we will have to figure something out."

"Yeah."

"Callie, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but are you really going to stop our daughter from coming home to me because you aren't sure it's what she really wants?"

"No." She responds, a little quieter. "Just give it a few days and I'll call you, okay?"

"Okay…" I agree. "Just call me if you need to discuss anything, Callie. I'm her mom, too."

"I know you are." Her voice breaking a little, I know she is torn. I understand why she is worried. Sofia is too young to understand what's going on between my ex-wife and I. She is too young to just know what she wants. If she wants to be here with me, I'm more than happy to take a flight to New York tonight and bring her home. _More than happy._ I'd leave right now for the airport given half the chance. I just want to be sure that we are all doing the right thing, though. I want to be sure that this isn't going to disrupt my daughter any more than it already has. "I'll call you, Arizona."

"Thanks. See ya, Cal." Ending the call, I set my cell down on the coffee table and rest back against the couch. "Well…" I breathe out.

"Everything okay?" My girlfriend asks.

"Yeah, just both trying to decide what the best thing to do is." I shrug. "It's not as simple as just saying yes, I don't think."

"I don't follow…"

"Callie doesn't know what is best for Sofia. She doesn't know if Sofia understands that coming home isn't the same as just coming to stay with me. With us."

"Does she know about me?" Eliza asks. "Does Callie know about me?"

"I haven't told her, no." Dropping my gaze, I take my girlfriend's hand in my own. "Not because I don't want to, but my love life doesn't concern Callie. We only speak when it concerns our daughter, and that is all. She will know about you the next time I speak to her, though. Okay?"

"Maybe she shouldn't know…" Eliza narrows her eyes. "I don't want anything to ruin your chances of getting Sofia back, and Callie may not want her daughter living with a stranger. Because I am, Arizona…I'm a complete stranger in your daughter's life."

"I have full custody of my daughter, Eliza. Regardless of what Callie wants, I could take her back at any moment." I smile. I never would, but I'm not sure if Eliza realizes this is all on me right now. "Callie won't have a problem with you being here. She won't have a problem with you being in Sofia's life. I can promise you that. She isn't that kind of person."

"Are you sure?" She raises her eyebrow. "Because I can be invisible if you need me to be. Just say the word…"

"No, baby." I tighten my grip on her hands and she shrugs her shoulders. "That's not how this is going to go. You are in this with me from the moment my daughter steps through that door."

"I can't wait…" She smiles. "I'm so happy she is coming home, Arizona. I'm so happy for you both."

"I love you." Cupping her face, her excitement is genuine and it melts my heart. I can't recall the last time anyone was happy for _me._ For me and my life. Eliza is, though, and it only strengthens what we have. It only makes us better than we were a few hours ago.

My life seems to be changing constantly of late, but I'm not worried. I'm not concerned. I have the people I'm supposed to have around me and I have the most amazing girl in my life. How could I ever possibly be worried about where my future is going when I'm staring right at it….

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome as always.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Guest - I hope this can comfort your little Ariliza gay loving heart one last time.**

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Chapter Ten

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ARIZONA'S POV

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 _Six weeks later…_

It's happening. Sofia is coming home to me and Eliza is here to stay. I don't know when the last couple of months turned and went totally right for me, but my life has fallen back into place. From the moment Eliza left, I wasn't sure I'd ever see her again, but she's here. She's here and she's staying. No matter what happens in the next few weeks, I trust that she is here to stay. I have to. I cannot live my life wondering if she will disappear again, and she cannot live her life here with me feeling like she cannot be trusted. What kind of relationship is that? I don't want our future to be uncertain, so I'm refusing to fall into the trap inside of my own head. My own fears. Insecurities. Eliza has been incredible since she came back to me so I know I don't need to worry. How can I when she has agreed to be here with Sofia and I? How can I possibly assume she will leave again when she has spent the past week helping me to get my home ready for my daughter's arrival? _I'm so thankful that she is in my life._ Smiling as I fold the last of our laundry, I add it to the growing pile and the thought of having my daughter clothes soon mixed in with ours makes my heart skip a beat.

I've missed her more than I care to admit, but she knows I love her. Sofia knows that her mommy always will love her, regardless of the distance between us. Regardless of the arrangements and the time we spend apart…she just knows. Taking the staircase slowly, Eliza's scent hits me full force and it only causes my smile to widen. She's been preparing lunch for us and honestly, I'm not sure I'll ever get used to her moving around my kitchen with such ease. _It's our kitchen now._ Reaching the lower level of our home, my girlfriend turns to face me, her smile beaming. "You good?" She asks, rounding the counter. "Anything I can do?"

"Nope." Wrapping my arms her waist, her own drape over my shoulders and our bodies press together. "Actually, you could kiss me?"

"Thought you'd never ask…" She smirks as she leans in closer, her lips taking my own with complete confidence. "You know, I missed you today."

"I've been here." I furrow my brow.

"You have, but I still missed you." Shrugging, her hands find the skin of my lower back and a shiver travels down my spine. "Sometimes I can never be close enough."

"Well, you know what to do about that, don't you?" I raise an eyebrow and she stares intently. "Don't ever be too far away."

"Sounds like the perfect way to fix my problem, huh?" Guiding me backward, my back connects with the wall and a gasp falls from my mouth. "Maybe I should show you how much I've missed you?"

"Mm, maybe you should." I take my bottom lip between my teeth. "Y-Yeah…" I nod as my eyes find hers. "You definitely should." Bouncing off of the wall, we take the staircase a little faster than we usually would. All of my thoughts and attention have turned to this gorgeous woman and right now, I need her. I need all of her. Pushing our bedroom door open, my body is guided forward and my legs connect with the edge of the bed. Dropping down, I turn and lie flat on my back. Eliza is already working my yoga pants from my legs and a moan falls from her beautiful lips when she discovers I'm not wearing any panties.

"Mm, I could fuck you all day long." Spreading my legs wider, she presses her thumb against my clit and my back arches from the bed. "I need to taste you…"

A mess of dark hair now between my legs, Eliza groans and laps up the unimaginable wetness that has gathered. "Yes." I hiss. "Oh god." My hips force themselves up and against her mouth and I swear my heart is about to stop. "You feel so good…" My eyes close and my mouth hangs open.

"You taste so good." She mumbles against my center, and the vibration causes my stomach to tighten. _Not yet. God, not yet._ Her lips wrapping around my throbbing clit, she sucks gently and I find myself struggling for breath. Hands fisted in the crisp white sheets below me, my eyes roll and I bite down on my bottom lip. Hard. The loss of contact felt immediately, I glance down again to find her looking up at me. Eyebrow raised. "This is all for me?"

"Always," I smirk. _God, this woman._

Running her thumb down the length of my center, she watches on in delight as I writhe and moan. Two fingers slipping deep inside, I gasp and grip the sheets impossibly tight. "Fuck. Yes!"

Fingers working inside of me with such ease, she resumes her actions with her tongue and I swear I'm about to die. "O-Oh, y-yes…" She is working me so good right now. Better than anyone else ever has. "Fuck…d-don't stop." Recognizing the response from my body, she increases the speed of her thrusts and curls her fingers. _I can't hold on any longer._ My hands finding the back of her head, I force her against me as hard as I possibly can and meet every motion from her beautiful mouth. "S-So close…" I whisper. "Shit! Yes"

"Come for me, Arizona. I want to taste you."

And I'm gone. My orgasm rips through me and my body convulses. Her movements still prominent, a scream rips from my throat and I fall into a rhythm. Riding out what can only be described as the end of the world. She knows exactly what to do and when to do it. No matter the time of day or the place, she makes me come harder than ever before. Carina may be some kind of orgasm expert, but she doesn't have a thing on my girlfriend. My Eliza. "Fuck…" I breathe out as my body comes down from its incredible high.

"Mm." She moans. "Just did." Her strong fingers slipping out from deep within me, I release a guttural moan and close my eyes. Licking my lips, in desperate need of some moisture, Eliza comes to rest on top of me. "You make me crazy…"

Her lips finding mine, my head spins as I taste myself on her tongue. "God." I sigh. "How do you do that?"

"What?" She furrows her brow.

"Just know what I want." I run my fingers through her hair. "What I need."

"Guess we were meant to be…"

* * *

Snuggling down on the couch for our final night alone before Sofia arrives, Eliza is curled into my body and I'm more at ease than I've ever been. Everything has totally come full circle and I feel like my life is heading in the right, and perfect direction. It's going to be amazing having my daughter back here with me, and now that Eliza and I are just as we should be, nothing could possibly go wrong. We have each other and that is all that matters. I'd like to believe that I'd have been happy alone with Sofia but I wouldn't. How could I ever be happy when I don't have this woman beside me? Sure, she hurt me when she left with no word, but we are back to our best and that is all that matters. She wants to be here and she is just as excited as I am to have Sofia home. Well, home for me…an addition in Eliza's life. She hasn't once shown me any worry where my daughter is concerned and I know I've made the right decision. I know that no matter what, Eliza is here and she is for keeps.

Glancing down, her head is settled perfectly against my chest. I know once tomorrow arrives it will be full steam ahead, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the chaos in our home. Eliza has never expressed her desire to have kids, but I'm okay with that. It wasn't all that long ago when I was doubtful of my abilities as a mother. But I thrived…as did my daughter. It's time now, though. It's time for Sofia to come home to me and live a happy life. Callie will always be a part of our lives regardless of where our daughter resides, but it's my time to share her. It's my time to be happy with the woman I love…my daughter included. I've missed out on that lately and I know that I won't get any sleep tonight just thinking about it.

My fingertips working the skin of my girlfriend's arm, she tilts her head a little and gives me a gorgeous smile. "I'm so happy for you, Arizona…"

"I'm happy, too." I press a kiss to her forehead. "Sofia is awesome. You are going to love her."

"I don't doubt it." She shrugs. "You raised her, how can she not be awesome."

"You just have such a way with words, don't you?" Narrowing my eyes, Eliza smirks and leans up a little, pressing her lips to my own. "And you have _the_ best kisses, too."

"I aim to please…" She smiles against my mouth. Pulling back, she studies my face. "Are you happy with me, Arizona?"

"Unbelievably head over heels in love happy…" To some, that may be a little dramatic, but it's true. Eliza is the only woman to have truly made me feel anything since my divorce. She is the only one who has caused any kind of loving reaction in me. "I am…"

"So, what is the plan?" She asks. "I mean, our future?"

"What do you see?" I counter. I'd happily do anything for this woman but I don't want to scare her off. I don't want to say anything that may freak her out and this crumbles around us. "If anything at all…"

"I see you and I being happy for a very long time." She smiles, her hand ghosting across my stomach beneath my tee. "I see a huge house…somewhere out of the city. Maybe like a ranch?"

"Yeah?" My smile grows. "I could totally move out of the city."

"You would?" She sits up and faces me a little better. "You'd move away from it all?"

"Eliza, baby…I've _lived_ through it all." I laugh. "Peace and quiet sound perfect to me."

"Maybe that could be something that happens in the near future then." She narrows her eyes. "I mean, I don't want Sofia to think I've come in here and taken over her life with her mom."

"She wouldn't think that." I take her hand in my own. "My daughter is one of the happiest kids in the world. She isn't damaged and she isn't fragile. She's amazing."

"I know that…" Eliza nods. "I just…I want to give her some time to adjust to me even being here."

"I appreciate that." Bringing her hand up to my mouth, I press a kiss to her knuckles. "I appreciate everything you've done lately."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, you left." I shrug. "No sooner were you back and I was bringing my daughter into our lives. You didn't have to accept that. You didn't have to be on board with it. Not when we were barely even working…"

"I'll always want Sofia here with you." She shifts a little closer to me. "I'll always want that beaming smile on your face when you talk about her."

"She makes me crazy happy." My dimples pop. "I'm not sure there could ever be another quite like her. She's my girl."

"I know she is." My girlfriend smiles. "The love you have for her is so adorable."

"Thank you."

"Do you think this would have all worked out with Carina?" Something in her eyes tells me that she needs an answer, but that is fine by me. If she wants to know exactly what I think, I'll tell her. Gladly. "I mean if I hadn't taken my head out of my ass and realized what a huge mistake I'd made?"

"No," I say with complete certainty. "I cant say I ever imagined a future with Carina." Lacing our fingers together, Eliza stares intently. "You are the only one I've ever seen this with, Eliza. Carina was sweet and she was fun, but that's where it ends. She may have been what I needed at that moment, but you are who I need in my life. Fully present."

"Yeah?" She smiles. "You really believe that?"

"I do." I nod. "She isn't the kind to settle down. She isn't the kind to run off to a ranch and has kids and a wife and everything else people expect in their future." Cringing at my own words, I close my eyes and chew on my bottom lip. "I'm sorry, I just…you know what I mean." Releasing a breath, I'm expecting to open my eyes to find Eliza gone and out of the door. "I just meant that she isn't relationship material." I'm trying to backtrack but I'm not sure how successful I am right now.

"Kids and a wife…" Her words barely above a whisper, I open my eyes to find a single tear falling down her face. "Wow."

"I'm sorry." I brush my thumb across her cheek. "I just got caught up in the moment and I shouldn't have said that." Giving her a sad smile, she leans in and presses her lips to my own and I'm surprised. Surprised that she hasn't left. Surprised that this is her reaction. Just…surprised. "Eliza…" I pull back and her intense green eyes are staring back at me. "Please don't leave."

"Leave?" She furrows her brow. "Why would I leave?"

"Just…I know I've probably just said everything you don't want to hear, but if it makes you feel better, none of that matters to me. If it's not what you want, that's totally fine."

"Everything you have just said _is_ what I want, Arizona." Her voice breaking, she looks up to the ceiling and tries to stem the flow of tears. "I just never imagined I'd find someone like you who would want that with me. I never imagined I'd find _anyone_ who would want that with me."

"I hate how you think so little of yourself." Pulling her into my arms, she straddles my legs and her body molds into mine. "You are an incredible woman and anyone would be lucky to have you."

"No, that isn't true." She sighs. "But you saw me and I'm so thankful that you did."

"I couldn't have ever not seen you…"

"All those months ago when you couldn't even look at me." She pulls back and smiles. "How you and everyone else at the hospital hated me…"

"I didn't hate you." I disagree, my head shaking slightly.

"I've spent my career being disliked and hated." She breathes out. "It has never bothered me. Not at all. The idea of you not liking me tore me up inside, though. The idea of never taking you out for that drink or sharing dinner with you was painful just to think about."

"Really?" I smile, a little shocked by her admission. "You were really that attracted to me?"

"You've no idea how attracted I was to you." She sighs. "I just…you was all I thought about. You were the only one I wanted to see every day I stepped through those doors to Grey Sloan. Just you. Nobody else mattered. When you told me that you look for me…it was the same for me, too. I always found myself looking for you. Disappointed a lot of the time."

"Wow…"

"I always hoped that I would eventually find someone who loved me but that hope lessened as the years went by." My heart is breaking just listening to her, but I'm glad I found her. I'm glad she wasn't involved when I met her. This wouldn't be happening right now if she was. "Being here with you is like nothing I've ever felt in this world, Arizona. Being here with you just makes me want the entire universe for us."

"We can have that." I brush my thumb across her bottom lip. "We can have it all."

"I want it all." Her smile widens. "I want _everything_ with you." I know that we aren't in any position to make a plan for our future right now, but I feel completely different now that she has told me how she feels. Knowing that she really sees a future with me and Sofia, I can live my life happily with them both until we decide that it's time to take the next step. One thing is for sure…Eliza Minnick is my happily ever after and nobody is taking that away from me.

 _I'd give it all up for her…_

* * *

 **Sorry for the delay in updating this final chapter but thanks for reading if you've stuck around.**

 **THAT'S A WRAP!**


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